Link x Everyone in the Legend of Zelda series (except Zelda)
by ATrulyInnocentBubble
Summary: I ship Link with everyone. And I mean everyone. Except Zelda. To show my love for all these ships, I shall write a definitely serious, totally not crack, story with chapters dedicated to one (or more) at a time. Starting with Tingle.
1. A Tingling Sensation (Link x Tingle)

**I wrote the first chapter of this beautiful tale with the help of a friend. Upon reading it outloud to some other friends and watching as they crawl into fetal positions, begging for it to stop, I realised I must publish it.**

 **This is gonna be a series of crack oneshots shipping pretty much any character I can think of with Link (except Zelda).**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own LOZ, and you should be happy that I don't.**

* * *

 **CHAPTER 1 . A TINGLING SENSATION (Tingle x Link)**

 **Description** : Tingle's dingle swells with a crescendoing passion as he thinks of his dear, dear Link. The question forms and swirls in his head as he wonders if Link needs him, longs for him, too, if Link is as desperate for Tingle as Tingle is for him.

He cannot take it anymore. He confronts the boy he desires so much.

* * *

One day Tingle was selling maps. He was thinking about Link, about his luxurious, flowing golden locks. As he was fantasising about Link's hair, his thoughts began against his will, as they so often did, down to Link's tight white leggings.

Tingle couldn't help but crave the hidden treasure beneath the white tights, the long, sturdy Master Sword concealed within their confines.

" _Tingle, Tingle! Kooloo-Limpah!"_ Tingle moaned to himself, overcome by passion, receiving strange glances from those who passed by. But Tingle didn't care: Link was all that mattered to him.

His tight, spandex fairy costume was saturated from perspiration, and thoughts surged into Tingle's head, all of that beautiful boy who never spoke. He wondered if these strange, forbidden longings all surged in Link's heart too, whether the boy needed Tingle as much as Tingle needed him.

"LIIIIIIIIIIIIINK!" Tingle couldn't take it anymore. He needed to find Link, he needed answers. Were his feeling mutual, or would he forever be trapped in a tragic, unrequited love for eternity?

His passion overcame him and he abandoned his post. He needed to find his green-clothed idol before his turgid desires tore him apart... he sprinted down the road to the beach to watch his dream lover's boat thrust into the harbour.

"LINK!" He cried out for a second time, seeing the love of his life enter his vision, the setting sun glinting off Link's luminous tresses that framed his youthful features like a glowing halo.

Upon seeing Tingle, a gasp escaped Link's plump, voluptuous lips that Tingle had spent so many hours worshipping. Was Tingle imagining the desire he saw rising in Link's azure orbs, as he was sure he imagined the relentless sexual tension between them with every encounter?

Unable to conceal his passion, Tingle leapt on to the boat in which the gorgeous, desirable object of his desire stood on. They were together on this separate platform, gazing (surely longingly) into one another's eyes, away from the world that stood against their love.

"Link," it was the third time the honeyed letters of the boy's dreamlike name that tripped like drops of golden sunlight off Tingle's tongue, the tinge of desperation clear in his voice, "I... I..."

Link took a few hesitant steps back, the rate of his breathing increasing. He was nervous, Tingle could tell, anxious about what the man would say. Link wanted Tingle too, that was why he was so nervous, so scared. Tingle was scared too.

Tingle stood closer to the boy, his hand gently sliding against Link's arm in attempt to soothe him. A quiet squeak made its way out of Link's infinitely kissable mouth, a squeak that triggered an eruption of strong feelings in Tingle's chest.

"I love you," Tingle finally managed to spit out, a feeling of relief crashing against his body, much like the waves crashing against the boat - waves that symbolised the waves of passion Tingle felt for the boy. A deep feeling of contentment crept over him.

Link stayed silent, like he always did, but Tingle could see the answer he so desired in the boy's stunning orbs. The way they widened ever so slightly, and the way he caught his breath. Link loved him too, Tingle could tell.

Hesitantly, Tingle stood on his tippy toes, trying to reach the lips he had always fantasised about every night, the lips he always wanted to make contact with. Before he could touch them though, before he could finally kiss the boy of his dreams, an ear bleeding scream forced its way out of Link's mouth.

Tingle jumped back in shock, surprised by the sudden noise. Was Link still scared of the idea of a relationship? Was he nervous of what, or who, was to come?

"It's ok," Tingle attempted to calm the boy.

Suddenly, Link grabbed the tiny thirty year old man, throwing him into the air and kicking him across the ocean. Tingle's head smashed against a brick wall, and his final breath came out of his mouth. His last thought was of Link, and the violent way the boy rejected him. Tingle died that day, and the universe celebrated his demise.

Link gave a sigh of relief, and continued his adventure.

* * *

 **If you made it this far, I congratulate you.**

 **There is more to come.**


	2. Hey! Look! LOVE ME! (Link x Navi)

**Hello humans! I have another chapter, so yay! I hope you enjoy it :D This time I have a Link x Navi oneshot!**

 **Guest: Challenge accepted! After this one, I have written an alternative ending where Link actually returns Tingle's feelings. Enjoy.**

 **Oinker P: I have a Ruto one in planning! I have already prepared a few others, so they'll probably be finished first, but hopefully she will get her Link love soon! Also, I hadn't thought of Link x Beedle yet! Thank you so much for the susgestion!**

 **Disclaimer: I still don't own LOZ and ya'll should be happy 'bout that.**

* * *

 **Chapter 2 - Hey! Look! Love me! (Link x Navi)**

 **Description:** Navi thinks about her unrequited love towards the hero clad in green. She wonders if things would be different if she had a body - having an existential crisis as she does so.

Eventually, she decides to change herself, doing anything for the boy she loves.

* * *

Link would never love her, that was an undeniable fact that Navi could not deny - that was why it was undeniable. An exasperated sigh echoed from her glowing mouth if she had one. Actually, did she have a mouth? She was a small, glowing fairy - would it be possible for her to have a mouth? Then again, she did speak a lot, meaning she must have a mouth! Unless-

Wait, this is not what she is pondering. Mouth or not, Navi would never feel Link's hot, wet tongue kissing her.

Navi let out an exasperated sigh, thinking about the tongue she so desperately wanted to touch, to feel, to experience. A tongue that was forever off limits to her, a tongue Link would never touch her with.

She wanted to kiss Link! But Navi knew it wasn't possible. With the fact that she may or may not have a mouth - or even her own tongue - the silent hero would never dare touch a small orb of light with the heated mouth she always fantasised about.

Navi's eyes (DID SHE EVEN HAVE EYES!?) hesitantly looked down on the sleeping hero. His beautiful, blue eyes were closed, eyes that she wished gazed into her own, if she had eyes that it. Well, she was able to see Link, so that must mean she had eyes, but then again, she was a fairy. Who knew about the way they functioned.

Slowly, the fairy flew close to the sleeping body, smelling the aroma of sexy adventure. I cannot describe the smell, but it was very sexy, and Navi could smell it with her nose... If she had one. She must have had a nose, sniffing in every aspect of Link, biting the lip she may or may not have.

Oh, how she wanted to touch him! How she wanted to feel her hands all over Link's toned, battle worn body. Wait... Hands? Were they a luxury she had? A function she could use? Navi couldn't know for certain if she had hands, being such a bright glowing orb. Being so bright affected her sight, stinging her eyes - if she had them - and making it impossible to look at herself.

Navi flew even closer to the beautiful boy who remained in his slumber, oblivious to the loving gaze he received from the glowing orb. She floated near his nose, feeling his breath collide with her tiny body.

But wait, was there a body to speak of? Was there even a body to experience the pleasure of being with Link? It was she just a floating ball of light. Navi wondered about her body, how she wished for Link to penetrate the body she might have with his mighty sword, even if it killed her.

It probably would kill her, actually. She was so small, it would crush her, tear her apart, suffocate her. But Navi didn't mind. As long as she felt Link's yummy organ against the body she might have, then she would truly be happy.

"Oh Link," a sigh came from the lips Navi may or may not have, "Why must you not realise my feelings for you?"

The boy stirred, and Navi almost had a heart attack.

WAIT.

DID SHE HAVE A HEART!? She must have had a heart, otherwise the feelings she had for the boy would not be there. Navi needed a heart to experience such an emotion, or was it different for fairies?

Navi imagined her hand touch the chest, something she didn't know she had, trying to feel the heart that might be crashing rapidly against her chest, the heart that might be causing her so much misery.

The fairy felt tears form at the eyes she may or may not have. Tears that slid down her cheeks, if she had them. But now that she thought about it, did Navi have the ability to cry?

"Oh!" Navi erupted into a sob, "I, a fairy, can never gain the affections of Link! He would want someone with eyes to look at him with! A mouth to kiss! A body to touch! Hands to hold! A heart to control! Tears to lick!" But, alas, Navi probably didn't have any of those, unlovable to the Hylian boy.

Suddenly, an idea formed in the mind and brain of the fairy. She ignored the question of whether or not she had a brain, knowing that it would distract and sadden her further. Navi speedily flew away from the sleeping boy, hope forming inside the heart she might have.

She arrived at the fairy fountain, seeing all the other small, glowing orbs fluttering around the water.

"Hey! Look! Listen!" Navi alerted them of her presence, causing all the fairies to look at her, "I need to speak with the Great Fairy! It is an urgent matter!"

The fairies exchanged glances, before the Great Fairy appeared in Navi's vision. Her laughter echoed and Navi cringed - but she didn't care for this was her one chance.

"Ah! Hello Navi!" The Great Fairy greeted, heavily lipsticked lips forming a wide, ugly smile, eyes staring into Navi's eyes (which she might have), "What do you need~?"

"I wish for a body! A Hylian sized body! I will do anything for a body! Please!" Navi begged, wishing desperately for the Great Fairy to be sympathetic.

"And what do you need this body for~?" The Great Fairy slowly tilted her head in curiosity.

"So..." Navi blushed - or, at least she think she blushed, "SO I CAN MAKE SWEET, SWEET LOVE TO LINK!"

"..." the Great Fairy blinked, jaw dropping.

"Please! I beg-" Navi was never able to finish that sentence. The Great Fairy grabbed her tiny little body, crushing it with her big hands. Fairy blood squirted in every direction, and the Great Fairy licked the remains of Navi, swallowing the smaller fairy.

It turned out that Navi did have a body - a small one, revealed by the way she stopped glowing, but it was still a body. Unfortunately, she would never realise this, dying slowly.

Consuming Navi, the Great Fairy glanced around, eyes narrow. She pointed at a fairy that looked similar to Navi, and spoke with her screechy voice, "Say: Hey! Look! Listen!"

"Hey! Look! Listen!"

"Perfect. Go to the hero, pretend to be Navi. But," the Great Fairy glared at the small orb of light, "Don't you dare fall in love with him."

The fairy gulped and flew away.

"Hehehehe..." The Great Fairy smiled wickedly, thinking about her precious Link, "Only I can love him."

The woman broke out into maniacal laughter.

* * *

 **Link x Tingle Alternative Ending:**

Hesitantly, Tingle stood on his tippy toes, trying to reach the lips he had always fantasised about every night, the lips he always wanted to make contact with. Before he could touch them though, before he could finally kiss the boy of his dreams, an ear bleeding scream forced its way out of Link's mouth.

Tingle jumped back in shock, surprised by the sudden noise. Was Link still scared of the idea of a relationship? Was he nervous of what, or who, was to come?

"It's ok," Tingle attempted to calm the boy.

Link stared down at the man, his deep blue eyes wide with shook and fear. As time passed by, seconds ticking, eventually turning into minutes. His fearful eyes softened, the rate of his breathing slowly yet surely going down to a calm one, one of peace. Yet still, still, he looked nervous, nervous to what this might lead to.

"Link," Tingle's hand slid against the boy's waist for it was unable to reach his soft cheek, one Tingle desperately wished to caress. Hesitantly, he stood on his tippy toes, hoping that maybe, just maybe, Link would have a better, more positive reaction to his act of affection.

Their lips graced each other, softly pressing against each other, sparkles quite literally erupting from this kiss of true beauty, of true love! As they kissed, Tingle's hand slowly moved to grasp Link's, and then they were holding hands, swinging their hands gently, the warmth of Link's skin radiating on to his tiny little hand.

Yet all good things must come to an end, and the kiss was soon no more. Their lips parted, yet Tingle wanted more. He couldn't bare the feeling of nakedness that came upon his lips, a feeling that could only be cured by the touch of the voluptuous lips that belonged to the silent hero.

"I love you..." Tingle softly said, gazing into Link's cerulean, azure, perfect blue orbs that twinkled and sparkled.

Eventually, Link's lips were tugged into a soft, small smile as he gazed back into the eyes belonging to Tingle. They went in for another kiss, when...

Tingle exploded.

Link jumped back in shock as he watched his new lover explode, Tingle's blood and guts covering his body. A voice came down from the heavens, the voice of one of the three goddesses.

"IF YOU LOVE ANYONE LIKE TINGLE AGAIN THEY WILL EXPLODE TOO. BE WITH SOMEONE NORMAL, GOSH."

Link blinked, shocked, staring at the sky, before hesitantly nodding. He soon got back to his adventure, forgetting to clean the blood off him, so got arrested.

* * *

 **I think this may stray from a oneshot series to a story where everyone falls in love with Link... All the other ships I have prepared are connected to one another. Oh well.**

 **I hope you enjoyed this!**


	3. Seducing a Hero 101 (Link x Great Fairy)

**And here's the third chapter! It's a bit of a sequel to the last one, this time involving the Great Fairy! So yeah!**

 **Oinker-P: Yeah, Tatl could be seriously annoying! I never really noticed the whole Navi thing. But I don't mind either nowadays. And Groose x Link would be beautiful! He's definitely on the list! I've literally prepared a list of over a hundred characters I intent to ship with Link... Including different versions of himself! Toon Link, Linkle, Wolf Link, Four Sword Link, and even CDI Link... I'm definitely setting myself a large task if I actually manage to finish this.**

 **Disclaimer: Yup. Still don't own Legend of Zelda. You are safe.**

* * *

 **Chapter 3 - Seducing a Hero 101 (Link x The Great Fairy)**

 **Description:** The Great Fairy wants Link. She needs him. She lusts for him. She wants a piece of that Master Sword he conceals under his tights, and for him to show her how rough a hero like him can truly be.

* * *

No one noticed the death of Navi. No one knew of her untimely demise, all believing her imposter was the real Navi. Link went along his adventure, not noticing that any change had happened, oblivious to the true fate of his annoying friend.

A content smile formed on the Great Fairy's lips as she thought about her precious, precious Link. At first, the Great Fairy thought of Link as nothing more than a young child in need of help, but as he grew and changed, her feelings grew and changed with him, the two growing and changing together. What a lovely metaphor.

Over the years, he had grown into a fine young man, with chiselled features and a toned chest. This fine young man was the object of the Great Fairy's affections, the boy that filled her fantasies at night. How she longed for Link, longed for his embrace, for his lips, for his Master Sword (if ya know what I mean).

"Ehehehe..." The Great Fairy giggled to herself, thinking of the silent hero: images of him lacking clothes surged into her mind, fantasies of him touching her like no other man could - the way only a true hero could. But this time, something was different. With the pesky Navi out of the way, the fairy could finally move forwards with her sordid shenanigans. She was determined to make those images, those fantasies, a reality.

The Great Fairy nodded to herself, getting to work. She sat at her vanity table, staring at her gorgeous reflection in the mirror. The woman knew that Link couldn't possible deny her - she had it all! The perfect face, the perfect body, the perfect butt. Seducing the hero would be an ease, his pants will fall to the ground the moment she looks at him.

More giggles came from her thick lips, thinking about the size of the sword concealed in his white tights. She imagined it penetrating her, inside her, impregnating her. The Great Fairy was now desperate. She needed Link. She needed him now! She wanted him now! She couldn't survive without him!

Applying more lipstick to her heavily lipsticked lips, the fairy stood up. She ran to her wardrobe, looking through her wide array of revealing clothes, searching for the perfect outfit for seducing the sexy, silent hero.

Eventually, she settled on a few leaves to cover her vital areas. Sure, it was her usual outfit, but she didn't want to be too obvious, too desperate. Plus, the way the young male's eyes always drifted to her large, perfect chest whenever they met was a large indicator of his arousal, of his attraction to the woman. She wore a few fewer leaves than usual, though, just to ensure the boy's gaze stayed completely on her.

With her outfit prepared, the Great Fairy left her fountain, walking seductively to Castle Town, hips swaying with every step. She was ready to find her hero. The moment she would find him, they'd get at it like wild animals, even if people watched! Actually, she would like it if people watched - it would prove Link belonged to her and to her alone.

Swaggering amazingly through the city, the Great Fairy noticed all the eyes that were on her. Men stared, forgetting about their wives and drooling all over the practically naked woman, while the women stared in envy, wishing their bodies were as yummy as the Great Fairy's.

A guard walked over to the fairy. She was a female guard, much to the fairy's annoyance, and held a stern glare. The guard stopped the Great Fairy in her tracks, crossing her arms and glaring.

"Whaddoya want? I have a busy schedule here," the Great Fairy glared back at the woman who was also glaring.

"You are being arrested for indecent exposure!" The guard snapped, shooting a glare at the provocative creature.

"Excuuuseee me? I'm the Great Fairy! Haven't you heard of me!? I can do whatever I want, lady!" The Great Fairy pushed the guard violently out of her way, "Now if you'll be excuse me, I have a sexy hero to seduce!"

"You just assaulted a guard!" The guard growled.

"Yeah, and what you gonna do 'bout dat?" The fairy smirked.

"Arrest you!"

"Didn't you here me before!? I'M THE GREAT MOTHERFUCKING FAIRY, BITCH! I DO WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT!" The fairy clenched her fists, "I CAN TAKE YOU DOWN! COME AT ME, BRO!"

The female guard charged at the fairy, along with many other guards. The Great Fairy was easily beating them, until she caught a certain sexy green clad hero in her vision. Almost immediately she stopped fighting, fainting dramatically, "Ohhh! Link! Save meeeeeee~!"

The hero blinked. He looked almost... confused? Perhaps he was shocked that she was being so openly flirtatious; after all, she was usually so secretive and subtle in her pursuit of her lover.

"Save meeeeeeeeeeee!"

Link glanced around, eyes meeting with all the other Hylians, waiting for someone to intervene. He was not in the mood to get into trouble with the Royal guards.

"LINK! GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE AND SAVE ME OR SO HELP ME I'LL NEVER ALLOW MY FAIRIES TO HELP YOU AGAIN!"

That grabbed the male's attention. Giving a sigh, he walked to the Royal guards, gesturing for them to stop. Recognising that he was the famous hero, Link, the guards immediately stopped attacking.

"Ah! The hero Link! Do you need this woman?" One of the guards asked, sheathing their blade.

Link nodded with dread. Despite the dreading look, the Great Fairy knew Link liked her - he did just save her after all! Why else would he save her other than the fact that he most certainly loved her?

"I see. Well, please escort her to... wherever she lives. Make sure she never attacks anyone again! And wears appropriate clothing..." the guards soon left, leaving the fairy to stick her tongue out at them and give them the middle finger.

Link looked at her, and she immediately replaced the sticking out of the tongue and the middle finger with an innocent smile, whistling innocently, looking innocent.

"Well then, Linky! Time for you to escort me home! Like a gentleman! A sexy gentleman that is..." The Great Fairy drooled, gripping Link's hand tightly and running out of that stupid city full of stupid preps who stupidly didn't understand how awesome the Great Fairy was.

They arrived back at the fairy fountain. Earlier that day, the Great Fairy made sure to decorate the area with romantic, scented candles, and have her fairies sing romantic music. This was all to set the mood. Now that the Great Fairy had Link in her clutches, she could finally do what she had been dreaming so long about.

"Oh~ Linky~" the Great Fairy pulled the hero close to her. Considering he was shorter than the fairy, instead of meeting eye to eye with the fairy, he met eye to breasts and blushed heavily in embarrassment.

The Great Fairy hugged him tightly, "Finally! Alone together! I've been waiting for this for sooooo long!"

Link struggled. The fairy was confused as to why he was struggling before she realised that Link was suffocating, his head trapped between her large breasts. Giving a laugh, the fairy let go, "Oopsie-daisy!"

The fairy stared into Link's deep, azure pools, drowning herself in their beauty as if they were actually water that you could swim in and as if she would be able to drown which she probably couldn't since she might not even have lungs. It was at that moment she realised that Link was glaring at her.

"Whaaaa? What's wrong, Linky? You don't want this?" The Great Fairy asked playfully, gesturing to her voluptuous body.

Link nodded.

"EH!?" The fairy's eyes widened in shocked disbelief, "You genuinely don't wanna screw me!? You're joking, right!?"

Link shook his head.

"But... But..." the Great Fairy didn't understand. She had it all, she was the sexiest woman or fairy alive, why didn't Link want her!? An idea suddenly sprung to mind as she tore the remaining leaves from her body, "Do you want me now!?"

Link blushed, averted his gaze, before shaking his head.

"You're blushing! You want this!" The fairy screeched.

"Perhaps he just blushing 'cause that's what most boys do when they see a naked woman..." one of her small fairies suggested.

The Great Fairy glared at it, before grabbing the fairy that dared speak, crushing it in her hands and eating it.

Link gasped in horror.

"SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DEFY MEEEEEEE!? I DID THE SAME TO THAT STUPID PREP NAVI TOO! THE NAVI YOU HAVE NOW IS AN IMPOSTER!" The Great Fairy screamed, laughing maniacally as she spoke. She then grabbed the imposter fairy, eating it alive, "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR TRICKING MY POOR LINKY PIE!"

Then the Great Fairy began to kill all the fairies at her fountain, eating them whole. Once they were all dead, she turned to look at Link, who was staring in complete horror.

"Will you love me now, Liiiiiiiiiiink~?" The Great Fairy crept up to the sexy hero, fairy blood dripping from her pout and coating her naked body.

Link took a few hesitant steps back, looking around. The Great Fairy then forcefully kissed him, forcing her tongue into his delicious mouth, her tongue exploring every nook and cranny like an explorer exploring a mouth of treasure.

The hero attempted to push her off, but the fairy persisted, tugging desperately against his tunic. She was so close, so close to finally having the muscular, sexy, beautiful body of Link all to herself.

Eventually, the Great Fairy pulled back to have a gasp of air, before gazing adoringly at her hero, the handsome male panting.

"You're such a good kisser~" the fairy whispered, "Now... Let's make babies!"

Link squeaked in horror, jumping back, eyes widening.

"Oh, c'mon Link~ We both know you want it~" the fairy closed the gap between them, pressing her body close against his.

Link took a few deep breaths, before glaring threateningly at the fairy. The Great Fairy playfully feigned fear, laughing to herself, "Aw~! Don't be like thaaaaat. I can give you the time of your life!"

The hero just shook his head.

"Pleeeeaaaaaaaaaaseeeeeeeee?" The fairy tilted her head, mustering the largest puppy dog eyes she could muster.

Link crossed his arms, shaking his head more.

"LINK! PLEASE!" She was now begging him.

The boy sighed, before turning to leave the blood stained Fairy Fountain. The Great Fairy, horrified, followed him, clinging to his leg, "DON'T LEAVE ME MY LOVE! I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES!"

Link's eye twitched and he kicked the crazy woman off his leg, only for her to jump back on, clinging on to it with her teeth.

Finally, after all the persisting, Link finally whipped out his Master Sword. Wait...

He whipped out the wrong Master Sword!

It was not the one the Great Fairy craved, but the actual sword-weapon one which could genuinely kill things. Ok, both might be able kill things, but this one was the metal, sharp, scary one. The Great Fairy took a step back - maybe Link made a mistake? Maybe he meant to get out the 'sword' she wanted him to get out?

Link charged at her. And so, the Great Fairy finally got her wish and was finally penetrated by Link that night, but not in the way she desired as the sword was pulled out her chest and she died.

* * *

 **Falling for Link seems to be a curse at this point. Everyone will die in the end... Except Zelda. Oh well, I love Zelda so it's fine.**

 **Hope you enjoyed and please review! :)**


	4. Ride of Tragedy (Link x Epona)

**bonjour les humains! Je suis ici, reportage de France ! Je skie dans les Alpes. C'est amusant, mais froid. et je suis ici, en utilisant Google Translate pour sembler intelligent. je ne peux pas parler français (si triste ...) mais je peux utiliser Google Translate pour créer un message en cassé.**

 **Harem Lover 26: I am planning to do a Link x Ilia story, but that might come later due to Link x Ilia being something I genuinely ship (others including: Malink, Ghiralink and Shink). Despite shipppig them tho, it will be extremely cracky. Like, seriously.**

 **FB Fan: Ghirahim x Linkle sounds pretty interesting. I don't know if you meant Ghirahim x Link or Linkle, but I'm pretty on board with both of them. I do love Ghiralink tho!**

 **Guest: Hello, my favourite guest! But yes, Ghiralink will be parodied the hell out of (I mean, it's Ghirahim, he's nuts). The fact that I ship them too just means the more ridiculous it will be!**

 **Oinker-P: That is an awesome suggestion! I was already thinking about doing other crossover ships too, such everyone in Super Smash Bros falling in love with him. The more people Link is shipped with/unintentionally kills, the better.**

 **Disclaimer:** **Je suis incapable de ruiner Legend of Zelda parce que je ne le possède toujours pas. si triste ... Pour moi.**

* * *

 **Chapter 4 - Ride of Tragedy (Epona x Link)**

 **Description: Epona has been in love with Link since the day she met him. Her heart aches as she suffers this unrequited love, knowing things could have been different if they weren't different races.**

 **As she mourns her tragic circumstances, Epona does the unthinkable.**

* * *

Epona was a sad horse.

Do you want to know why she was a sad horse?

Because she was a Goddess damned horse, that's why.

Do want to know what she would do if she wasn't a horse?

Marry Link.

She remembered the day they first met clearly. She was resting in LonLon ranch, hearing the ginger haired girl called Malon blabber about some fairy boy called 'Link'. At first, Epona didn't care, but that changed when Link first came into the ranch.

Immediately, she felt a bond form between Link and herself.

Both never really spoke (Epona was a horse, so she couldn't speak. But still), and both loved adventure.

It was a match made in heaven if it weren't for a certain factor.

Link was Hylian. Epona was a horse.

Epona knew Link loved her too, but not in the way she loved Link.

Link loved her only in the way a Hylian could love a horse. Not romantically, just platonically.

This made Epona very sad.

At least he cared.

Epona stood outside the Fairy Fountain, looking for her hero.

She had seen the Great Fairy drag him in there. She didn't know why.

Epona entered the Fairy Fountain and her eyes widened in horror.

Link was with a naked Great Fairy.

Instantly, Epona knew what was happening.

Tears formed in Epona's eyes as she galloped away. Of course Link would find love in someone else. But the Great Fairy? The fact he had such low standards made her heart sting even more.

She couldn't stay with Link now. She couldn't stay with him knowing he loved another.

Epona galloped as fast as she could to get away. That was when she crashed in Ganondorf!

"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING, HORSE!" Ganondorf boomed. Next to him was his horse. An evil looking horse.

"Hello, Epona," the evil horse spoke in horse language.

"H-Hello, evil horse," Epona sniffed in horse language.

"Why are you sad?" The evil horse looked concerned.

"I love Link but he loves someone else!" Cried Epona.

"Oh no!" The evil horse gasped.

"You must betray him then," Ganondorf spoke in horse language. Apparently he was a horse whisperer. Who would have thought?

"W-What!?" Epona gasped.

"You must make him pay for playing with your heart like that!" Ganondorf said menacingly.

"Yeah! Join us! We'll be your friend!" The evil horse added.

Epona sniffed, "O-Ok..."

And so, they galloped away to Ganondorf's evil base...

Epona's new rider was Dark Link. Dark Link was silent too. He looked almost identical to Link.

But... It wasn't the same.

Epona was sad.

Seeing Link's face when he saw Dark Link ride her broke her heart.

Link was sad too.

His horse betrayed him.

It was very sad.

Epona looked down sadly. Link would never forgive her now.

She made a mistake.

She was an idiot.

Then, she realised what she could do to gain Link's forgiveness.

She could kill Ganondorf.

Epona came up with a plan.

She would sneak into Ganondorf's chambers as he slept and jump on him.

Ganondorf would die instantly.

Link would forgive her.

Quietly, Epona snuck through the palace, sneaking to the chambers.

"What do we have here?"

Epona gasped. Someone spotted her.

She turned around to see...

The evil horse!

Epona glared at the evil horse and the evil horse glared back at her.

"You were trying to kill Ganondorf, weren't you!" Evil horse gasped.

"Yes I was! Because I'm in love with Link!"

The horse gasped again, "I'm in love with Link too!"

"You haven't even met him!"

"I've seen him. He's really hot."

"He is..."

Both horses have dreamy sighs. But then they glared at each other again!

"I mustn't let you kill Ganondorf!" The evil horse exclaimed.

"I mustn't let you have Link!" Epona exclaimed. They both were exclaiming.

The horses charged at one another, an epic battle beginning. They fought in the way horses fought, which I don't know. I guess they just began running into each other, so that's what happened.

They were against the edge of a large window, battling the battle to end all battles.

The evil horse was over powering her, and Epona knew what she needed to do.

"I know I won't survive this battle... So I'll take you with me!" Epona pushed the evil horse out the window, falling with it. They both died that night.

Epona's last thoughts were of Link.

She loved Link and she died fighting for him.

Epona died a happy horse.

* * *

 **Poor Epona. At least she died happy (my horse obsessed friend would kill me otherwise). But yeah, this isn't really a oneshot series considering these are all connected. Oh well!**


	5. Christmas Special (Link x Santa Claus)

**'sup and Merry Christmas! So, I was doing nothing after Christmas Dinner and thought: 'hey, I should write a Christmas edition to this' and that's what I did. This is rushed and rubbish and oh well I'm publishing it anyway. This story is trash anyway!**

 **Oinker-P: Ah, I see. That's pretty cool! And, with the Super Smash thing, I'm still thinking about it but I have plans for some of the characters (mainly Mario and Luigi), if that's what you're asking? You do seem pretty mischievous haha (I am too, all my friends think I'm pure evil tho).**

 **Disclaimer: Who doesn't own LOZ!? This person doesn't! *cries***

* * *

 **CHRISTMAS SPECIAL (Santa Claus x Link)**

 **Description: Link has been a naughty boy this year, so Santa kidnaps him.**

* * *

'Twas midnight in Hyrule Castle, and not a sound stirred. Snow was falling outside and the faint sound of tingling could be heard. It was Link who awoke to this merry sound, a merry feeling in his heart, and he stood up.

He actually didn't actually feel merry, actually, the jingling noise was actually quite annoying, actually. Link cautiously drew the Master Sword (the actual one - he was too tired to touch himself) and crept through the dark castle corridors. The dark corridors were dark, and the sound of jiggingling became louder and louder as he walked through the dark place.

The hall was the source of the jingle sounds, being decorated in some strange, peculiar, alien decorations. A tree with strange balls rested in the middle, presents covering the ground. Something merry was in the room, something joyful, something that made Link feel sick from the happiness.

"HO HO HO!"

Link almost jumped out of his skin, holding his sword tightly (no, he wasn't touching himself to the noise, this was the real sword). He spun around, his gorgeous, deep blue eyes looking upon the source of all this happiness and spirit.

A fat man in red, with a long white beard, walked towards him. His checks and nose were bright red and he looked very jolly. This man looked friendly and huggable, full of spirit, joy, merriness and (any other words associated with Christmas). Instantly, Link distrusted him. He hated happy looking people. They were always hiding something.

"Hello Link!" The man bellowed, eating a mince pie and drinking a glass of mulled wine, "It is a pleasure to meet a hero like you!"

Link pointed his sword (THE REAL ONE) at the man, glaring darkly. Whoever he was, he was trespassing in Royal property, an action punishable by the worst of torturous deaths. He ignored the merry feeling of the room, and the smell of spiced apple. Truly, a misguided soul, one needing redemption by the spirit of the holidays!

"You have been a very naughty, NAUGHTY boy this year!" The man in red stated in his joy, giving a contagious laugh.

Link frowned in disgust. Was he coming on to him? I mean, he liked being called 'naughty' and all, but this was an old, most likely drunk, man who was marching jollyly towards him. He pressed the sword (I think you should know which one I mean by now) against the man's stomach, ready to cut it and watch as mince pies and happiness flooded out of him.

"Pointing a sword at Santa Claus!? How naughty! You must be punished!" The man gave a hearty laugh, dodging the weapon and patting Link on the back, "You look like one of my elves, I guess I can teach you a lesson on being naughty and nice with them!"

Link really did not know what to think. Was this fat man, who was seemingly called 'Santa Claus' plotting to kidnap him? But it was Zelda who usually got kidnapped, not Link! The boy stood his ground, hissing like a snake.

"Naughty boy!" Santa Claus grabbed some jolly sparkles from his pockets and threw it in Link's face, knocking the boy unconscious.

The next thing Link knew, he woke up in a tiny bed, in a tiny house, sickly happy decorations surrounding him, and a bunch of little people in green staring up at him in amazement.

Link sat up, bashing his head against the ceiling, before staring down at the elves, shocked and, frankly, creeped out.

"..." they stared back at him and silenced ensured, only for them all to open their mouths and start singing a peculiar song, "Dashing through the snow

In a one-horse open sleigh

O'er the fields we go

Laughing all the way!"

At that point, Link attempted to escape. He stumbled out of the bed, eyes scanning desperately for his Master Sword (the real one, his other was still, thankfully, attached to him), something he could kill these strangely cute creatures with. It was nowhere in sight, and he realised it must have been with their leader - Santa Claus.

The little people followed him, all with wide, joyful smiles, eyes sparkling, "Bells on bob tail ring

Making spirits bright

What fun it is to ride and sing

A sleighing song tonight!"

Link kicked them away, seeing a door behind them. He destroyed the gingerbread door with his bare hands, clambering through the tiny hut, eyes wide in horror. Whatever these happy things were, they were terrifying. Their joy made Link feel sick and disgusted - why were they so happy!? Why were they singing!?

Forcing his way out the hut, he stumbled into a snow filled land, strange canes growing out the ground, and snowmen decorating the landscape. Everything sparkled, and the houses were made out of gingerbread. Link felt like he was about to throw up. He turned around, to see the happy things follow him, unfazed by his violent actions.

"JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS,

JINGLE ALL THE WAY,

OH! WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE

IN A ONE-HORSE OPEN SLEIGH!"

If Link could scream, he would. This was honestly the most terrifying moment of his life - even more terrifying than that incident with Tingle. He attempted to escape, blasting into a sprint, only to be surrounded by more of these merry, little people.

"JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS,

JINGLE ALL THE WAY,

OH! WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE

IN A ONE-HORSE OPEN SLEIGH!"

The all grabbed him, pulling him to a factory of sorts. It was seemingly made out of gingerbread and chocolate, sugar smoke flying out of the chimneys. There was a sign atop the factory, saying the words 'SANTA CLAUS' WORK SHOP!'. Behind the building was a castle, where he suspected the demented, jolly villain lived.

In the end, Link went along with it, forcing a jolly smile. Perhaps if he pretended to join them, he'd be able to find his trusty weapon and kill them all. They lead him to the factory, where toys of all sorts were being created, loaded into large sacks.

Eventually, the creatures stopped singing, and one spoke up, a little ginger one with big eyes and a gap tooth.

"Hewwo Wink! We awe the Elves! We wowke with Santa Cwaus to bwing joy to the chiwdren of the wowld!" The 'elf' exclaimed, eyes sparkling, "My name is Snowdrop! It is a pweasure to meet you!"

Link hated him already. Never the less, he smiled and shock his hand. Perhaps he could make a tool of little Snowdrop, use him to pursue his own goals. The other elves then introduced themselves to him, all painfully joyful, but none of them having the same lisp as Snowdrop.

"Hewe we make pweasants for the chiwdren! We make sure to fill the toys with happiness and spawkles!" Snowdrop explained happily, "We wike to swing Cwistmas songs as we do so too! But youwr a mute so you don't have to."

Link frowned, tilting his head.

"Oh, you will be hewping us make pweasants of couwse!" Snowdrop replied.

And so, Link was forced to help these horrible little creatures make presents. It was horrible. They kept singing Christmas songs. He wanted to kill himself.

That was when the merry man himself entered the factory, letting out his trademark hearty laugh.

"HO HO HO! How have we been treatin' our latest edition to the team? Has he been a good boy?!" The man asked with a jolly tone.

"Yes siw! Wink's weally leawning the impowtance of giwing and happiness!" Snowdrop informed him.

Link gave an enthusiastic nod, going along with the act. At this, Santa Claus gave a fond smile, "I'm glad. I have admired Link for so long, I'm glad to assist him return to his good ways."

With that, the large man left, leaving a jolly spirit behind him. Link hated this jolly spirit, hating the joy that remained within the horrible elves. He wanted to destroy this happiness.

After work was done, Snowdrop led Link back to the gingerbread huts in which all the elves lived. This was when Link took the chance to talk to the happy little man.

"..." he asked.

"A tour? Of couwse I'll giwve you a tour! Fowwow me!" Snowdrop said with glee, skipping away. Link followed him, ready to learn the secrets this terrifying place held.

The first place he was lead to was a stable of sorts, filled with reindeers. They all sparkled, and one even had an obnoxious, glowing red nose. Link wanted to crush that nose with his hand, to pop it an cause the reindeer agony. A content smile formed on his lips at the thought, something Snowdrop mistook for merriness.

"I'm gwad we're hewping you see the joys of the wowld! I thiwnk you will be a gweat elf!" Snowdrop exclaimed, hugging the hero.

Link cringed at the act of joyful affection. Soon, he thought, he'll be jumping gleefully on the corpses of these annoyingly happy creatures, dancing in the havoc he will cause. Now that was a thought that made him feel merry!

Next, he was shown to what seemed to be a garage, with a large red sleigh. The sleigh was huge, able to fit over a million presents. It was amazing, actually, but the joy in the room was sickening. Elves were attending to the vehicle, singing as they did so.

"Thiws is what Santa Cwaus dewivers pweasants wiwth! Tonight he will be spweading Cwistmas cheer with!" Snowdrop.

Link raised an eyebrow.

"Yewp! We awe gowing to power up the sleigh tonight and Santa Cwaus will twavel acwoss the world! Yay!" Snowdrop skipped away, continuing on with his tour.

They eventually found themselves at the castle where Link suspected his new enemy lived. He glanced down at the elf, eyes questioning what this place was for.

"This is whewe Santa Cwaus lives!" Snowdrop exclaimed, confirming Link's suspicions.

The hero in green gave a determined look as he barged into the castle. Snowdrop gasped in horror, following him, "Wink! Youwr not allowed in there!"

Link ignored him, storming through the castle. In the middle of the hall, resting on a pedestal, Link saw his precious Master Sword. He marched up to it, gripping the hilt of the blade, and dramatically pulled it out, pointing it to the sky.

"Wink nooooooo!" Snowdrop screamed, horrified.

That was when Santa Claus barged in, jaw dropped. He stared down at Link, realising the hero had not learned his lesson, "Snowdrop... What have you done!?"

Link charged at the fat man, kicking him in the gut before he could fight back. Santa clambered to his feet, grabbing a candy cane to defend himself with, tears forming in his eyes, "Why, Link, why!? You were supposed to be a hero!"

"...!" Link glared at him, angered that the man dared question his status as a hero.

A battle began, or, mainly a one sided beating up session. Link kicked, punched and jumped on the jolly man, angry that he forced him to such a place of joy. Eventually, the male rose his sword in the air, a dark glint in his eyes.

"Please, Link... Don't do this..! You still have a chance! A chance to be redeemed! Link, I love you-" Link's sword slashed through Santa Claus's neck, decapitating the man. He grabbed his head, and a candy cane, and marched outside. The elves watched in horror as he slammed Santa's head on the makeshift pike.

That was when the security measures kicked in. Fighter elves came to attack, blasting flames at him. Snow balls were chucked at Link in every direction and he ran through the land which previously contained so much joy. Chaos was caused as elves turned against elves, fire engulfing the buildings, and snowballs hitting everyone.

Link skidded into the garage, seeing the sleigh. It was filled to the brim with presents and reindeer were ready to blast off. Before he jumped on, however, a crying Snowdrop stumbled towards him.

"Wink... Pwease don't weave me... I'm scawed and I want to help you..." Snowdrop sniffed, rubbing snot off his nose.

Link didn't even take a second to consider this. He kicked Snowdrop into the flames, listening in glee as the small elf screamed in mixture of agony and despair. Chuckling to himself, Link jumped on the sleigh, riding it to Hyrule and stealing all the presents for himself. And so, Christmas was forever cancelled.

The land of Christmas had been destroyed. Flames died down, and ravaged elves sought shelter. Among the wreckage, an elf with a burned up face stood up, a dark look in his eyes.

Snowdrop had survived, and his heart had been hardened. No longer was he the sweet, innocent little elf he previously was, no longer would he allow anyone to control him. He made his way to the top of the rubble, sitting on his new throne.

"Time to bwing misewy to to univerwse! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Snowdrop's laughter echoed throughout the North Pole, and the elves looked up to their new leader in fear.

* * *

 **Yeeeeaaaaah wtf did I just write? There wasn't even that much Santa in it! Eh... And I accidentally turned Link into a raging sociopath. Oops.**

 **MERRY CHRISTMAS!**


	6. title didn't fit (Link x 4 Sword Link)

**So, I have a load of different chapters already prepared yet unfinished because I'm like that. An idea comes to my head, I write it, I don't finish it. They will be finished though! Then edited and hopefully improved. To be quite honest, I thought the one I've just finished would be finished later, but here it is! Link x the Four Sword Link. I've based the Four Sword Links after their personalities from the manga, but their pretty ooc. You don't need to read the manga to read this (but it's really good... Just mentionin'...) And now I'm blabbering... ENJOY POOR SOUL WHO IS READING THIS CRAP!**

 **Oinker-P: Oh my god... It sounds horrifying... But so beautiful... And there will most certainly be a lemon. It will be descriptive, imaginative, metaphorical, awe-inspiring and... As cringy as the rest of the content in this fic. Thank you so much for the idea, I can't stop thinking about it.**

 **Guest: Damn, I think you should have just stopped reading this after not enjoying the first chapter, but if you really wanna torture yourself that much, then be my guest! Your reviews were more amusing than anything.**

 **TeamLIRA: Yes, yes, yes, yes! That sounds absolutely and utterly amazing! Just as amazing as Oinker-P's suggestion! Oh god there's so many I'm planning to write now... But they will ALL BE DONE! ALL OF THEM! I DONT CARE HOW MUCH SWEAT AND TEARS AND LOSE OF WHATS LEFT OF MY SANITY, I SHALL DO IT ALL!**

 **Disclaimer: Why do I do these? It's obvious I don't own LOZ... Or do I? (No. Because if I did, LOZ will be... Well, it will be very... Special.)**

* * *

 **Chapter 6 (or 5, did the Christmas Special count? I'll just say it did) - Two's a Company, Three's a Crowd, Four's a Goddess Damned Nightmare (Link x Four more Links)**

 **Description: Link somehow finds himself in a different time, meeting what could be his descendants or ancestors - four boys and their shadow. At first, they seem fine, but he soon that changes. WARNING: Contains yandere, attempted bondage, attempted vore, attempted MPreg and attempted genderbending. I am not kidding.**

* * *

Link was completely and utterly confused. One moment he was adventuring through the wild lands of Hyrule, him against the world now that his two main companions, Epona and Navi, were dead. Perhaps he shouldn't have gone without companions, but nothing could tame his wild, adventurous spirit.

But this was how he ended up in this mess, falling through a void of blackness. Link had been venturing through a dungeon, slaying monsters and taking treasure, when a black fog engulfed him. Now, here he was, falling through nothingness.

A sigh came out his lips. Why was he surprised? Something stupid always happened to him nowadays. He should just give up thinking that he could have a vaguely normal life for a hero.

He yawned. Perhaps he should just go to sleep. Link liked sleep. Sleep was fun. The blonde male rubbed his eyes, yawning some more. It was just as he was about to drift into a slumber, just before he could enter a peaceful world of dreams, when he landed roughly on the ground.

Groaning ever so slightly in annoyance, Link climbed to his feet, examining his surroundings. He was in Hyrule Field, but... There was something different about it, something peculiar, something wrong. It felt like he was in a different Hyrule Field to his Hyrule Field. This was not a good feeling.

The male decided that he should just roll along with it. That's what he did most of the time these days. Roll with it. So he rolled on the ground, dead inside, his legs not in the mood to walk. As he rolled on the ground with lidded eyes, he didn't realise that he was coming to the top of a hill. Before he knew it, Link was speedily tumbling down a hill, not caring enough to even scream.

The moment his head crashed against a rock, the boy lost consciousness. At the back of his mind, he kinda wished he just died, but that clearly didn't happen. He was Link after all! The protagonist! The protagonist can't die. Instead, he found himself waking up in a bed, inside a house, with five identical boys staring down at him.

"Ooooh! He has really pretty eyes!" The one in red cried out.

"He has the same eyes as us, dumbass!" The blue one knocked the red one over the head with his hammer.

"Calm down. He doesn't know what's going on," the green one looked down at Link with a gentle smile, "Hello there."

"..." the purple one stayed silent, standing close to the black one who looked like their shadow.

"..." Link stayed silent, like he always did.

"What's your name?" The one in green asked.

Link pointed at his hat.

"Ah, Link, I see," the green one nodded, before gesturing to himself, "I'm Green Link," he pointed at the red one, "He's Red Link," he pointed at the blue one, "Blue Link," then at the purple one, "Violet Link," and finally at the shadow, "And Shadow Link!"

Link blinked. There were so many of them. And they were also called Link? What was going on? How could they speak?

"Call us Red, Green, Blue, Vio and Shadow though!" Red exclaimed, jumping on Link's lap.

"Red!" Blue pulled him off Link's lap, "Don't be an idiot!"

"Wah! I'm not an idiot!" Red began to cry.

"Both of you are idiots," Vio sighed, this being the first time he spoke, before glancing at Link, "I'm guessing there has been a time rift of sorts. I will need to investigate."

"Do you haaaaveee to?" Shadow groaned.

"Yes. Shut up now," Vio focused his attention to Link, gesturing for him to follow him, "Follow me. I want to ask you a few questions."

Link obeyed, standing up and following the boy in purple. The Shadow glared daggers at Link, clenching his fists.

"So, then, 'Link'," Vio started as he walked through the halls of the house they were in, "How did you end up here?"

Link made a few gestures and Vio nodded, "I see. Black fog took you here. Interesting. Do you have any idea why?"

A few ideas formed in Link's mind, but he shook his head. He didn't really care anymore.

"I see. We should research in the library. It's this way," Vio said, before Link stopped him. Vio raised an eyebrow, curious as to what Link had to say. The hero pointed at him, before showing four fingers.

"Ah, yes," Vio nodded, "The original Link pulled out a sword known as the 'Four Sword', splitting him into four. Green got Link's main personality, Blue his temper, Red his kindness, and I... his brain. That's why I'm the only one here with a functioning brain."

Link nodded, before pointing at his own shadow.

"Oh, Shadow Link? Yeah, he was Link's Shadow. He used to be our enemy, but now he's an ally," Vio explained, "He's my... Boyfriend. Unfortunately."

Link raised an eyebrow.

"The only reason we're dating is because the author really ships us and would be sad if they didn't add at least a little 'vidow'."

Link nodded and followed Vio to the library.

A few days passed, and Link spent most of them with Vio, trying to find out how the hell he got there. He also learned more about the others, how Red always seemed happy, how Blue was always yelling, Green always being... Green, and Shadow being crazy.

Vio was definitely the most sane member of the group.

Or, at least, that was what Link thought.

One day, walking back to the spare room in which Link was staying, something blindfolded the boy. He didn't struggle or scream, instead he stayed silent, not caring enough to do anything. What would happen next might be interesting after all.

He felt himself be pulled into a room and pushed onto a soft surface. Someone climbed on top of him to pull off his tunic, before Link felt something metal attach to his wrists.

The blindfold was pulled off him and Link was able to analyse his situation. He had been handcuffed, shirtless, onto a bed. He sighed. Another person wanted to sleep with him. Link looked up to see the culprit and saw...

Vio! Vio stood above him, hands crossed and a smirk resting on his lips. But wasn't he dating Shadow? Link pushed that to the back of his mind, tilting his head a little to ask 'why'.

"Hm? Because you're the only person here I can have an intellectual conversation with," Vio replied, rolling his deep blue eyes.

Link had to use his own eyes to gesture what he was saying.

"Yes. Of course that means I want to sleep with you," Vio replied with a serious tone.

Link gestured again.

"Shadow's just not the same as you. From the moment you came here, you were all I can think of," Vio climbed a top Link.

Link raised an eyebrow.

"Stop judging me, it kills the mood!"

"..."

"The mood is not already dead!"

"..."

"Stop debating me like this!"

"..."

"Ah! Why must you comeback so... logically!? This is why... Why I need you so much!" Vio passionately kissed Link, before pulling back, "The others have been driving me crazy with their stupidity! You're the only person I've ever met to be just as intelligent as I! Link, we're geniuses, you and I. We need each other."

"..."

"Why must you be so smart!? It... Really... Turns me... on...!" Vio kissed Link again.

Link couldn't help but compare this to the incident he had with the Great Fairy. Both the Great Fairy and Vio threw themselves at Link, begging to have a piece of his Master Sword. At least the Great Fairy had the decency to not tie him up, though Link felt that this was more a kink than trying to keep him still.

To be quite honest, though, Link would definitely take Vio over the Great Fairy any day. Vio did have... Some sanity, at least. Then again, the boy was narcissistic enough to date his own clone and held no qualms with cheating on said clone with someone who could be either an ancestor or descendant, so that didn't say much.

A moan forced its way out of Vio's mouth as he continued the one-sided make-out session, pinning Link underneath him. The male tugged at Link's belt, desperate for his Four Sword to clash with Link's Master Sword.

The duel was about to begin, the duel between two powerful swords, battling a fierce battle against one another. It would be the battle between Link's Master Sword and Vio's Four Sword that threatened to begin as Vio pulled off Link's belt. These sword similes were, at this point, growing a bit out of hand, so the paragraph ended, beginning with a new one - one that would spark tension and mystery.

That was when the door was kicked open, flying off its hinges. Both Link and Vio gasped, turning to see who, or what, had kicked down the door. It was...

Shadow!

"Vio!?" Shadow gasped in horror, "What are you doing!?"

"I-It's not what it looks like!" Vio shrieked.

"Oh, ok!" Shadow smiled and skipped out the room.

"... I didn't think that would actually work..." Vio muttered, jaw dropped.

"WAIT A MINUTE!" Shadow ran back into the room, seething, "It IS what it looks like!"

"I can... I can explain..." Vio looked around nervously.

"Hm?" Shadow crossed his arms.

"Uh..."

Shadow snatched Vio's hand, pulling him off the bed, "You and I are gonna have a real long talk 'bout our relationship, Mister!"

"No! Not the relationship talk! ANYTHING BUT THE RELATIONSHIP TALK!" Vio's screams echoed throughout the house as Shadow dragged him away.

Link blinked, before glancing at the handcuffs tying him to the bed. He sighed, struggling against them. Why couldn't Vio at least let him free before leaving? You know, after forcing Link into this situation, that would be the most decent thing to do.

The hero groaned, stuck half naked, tied on to a bed, his Master Sword having awkwardly turned into the Skyward Sword, with no door hiding him. This meant anyone walking by could see him in this humiliating position. It was humiliating.

If Link could bother to speak, he would cry for help, but speaking was too much effort, so he just groaned very, very loudly, hoping it would grab someone's attention.

"Oh! My! Poor Link!"

Someone's attention was grabbed! It was...

Red! The boy stood agasp over the bed, having wondered into the room. His innocent eyes were forever stained with the image of Link tied to the bed.

Link used his eyes to convey his message.

"..." Red took a few seconds to decipher, "... Oh! I see! You want me to free you?"

Link nodded.

"Ok!" Red immediately began to unlock the handcuffs, before passing Link his tunic. The hero gave a sigh of relief, pulling on the green outfit and tying his belt up.

"..." Link looked at Red.

"You're welcome!" Red smiled, "I was just baking cookies! Do you want to join me?"

Link smiled and nodded. The boy in red cheered, grabbing the other's hand and pulling him to the kitchen.

The next few days, Link learned more about Red. At first he thought the hyperactive boy was just an annoying ball of endless optimism, but now he felt the optimism rubbed off on him, melting his once ice cold heart. Well, Link's heart wasn't really ice cold, but let's just say it was to make the sentence sound beautiful and romantic.

Another thing Link learned was that Red could use magic! The boy had an ice rod and a fire rod, often using the fire rod to help cook cookies.

They spent their days baking cookies and avoiding Vio like the plague. Luckily, Shadow was constantly around Vio now, making sure Link wouldn't 'seduce' the hero in purple again, as Shadow would say.

"Hey! Link!" Red ran up to Link near the end of another busy day, a large plate of cookies in his hands. There was a noticeable bandage on the boy's arm, but Link ignored it, focusing his attention on the cookies.

"I made you cookies! To thank you for being such a good friend!" Red exclaimed, pushing the plate into Link's hands.

Link smiled, taking a cookie and eating it. As he ate, he glanced at Red's bandage.

"Oh, this?" Red looked at the bandage, before smiling sheepishly, "It's nothing! Now eat alllll the cookies! I made them specifically for you~!"

Link complied, soon finished up all the cookies. They were delicious, however there was a strange, metallic after taste to them which he couldn't quite describe.

"Did you like them?" Red asked with wide, adorable puppy dog eyes which were so adorable they made a the cutest thing in the world look hideous. And that was saying something!

Link nodded.

Red's expression darkened and he giggled almost maniacally, "Ehehehe! Yay~! I'm glad! You ate... ME!"

Link was taken aback by this comment, his jaw dropping.

"You see!" Red exclaimed innocently, smiling widely and pointing at his bandage, "I put my blood in the cookies! Now next time you go to the toilet, you'll be pooping out babies!"

"..."

"THAT'S NOT HOW YOU HAVE KIDS!" Link could hear Vio's voice cry out from downstairs, Vio probably having a breakdown from how stupid the comment was.

"How do you have kids then?" Red asked curiously, looking down the stairway.

"YOU FUCK."

"Oh! Ok!" Red looked at Link with a wide smile, "Let's fuck! Whatever that is!"

Link chuckled awkwardly, taking a step back. Red's fire rod was burning in anticipation. Quite literally - it was on fire. Red quickly put it out, shoving the rod back in his pocket as it was the genuine fire rod that was on fire, not his penis.

"GAY FUCKING DOESN'T MAKE KIDS," Vio yelled.

"Oh... I'm confused!" Red cried out. He gave a sigh, before an idea came to his mind, "But if he eats all of me, he's bound to get pregnant!"

"HE'LL JUST GET FA- YOU KNOW WHAT? NEVERMIND," Link could hear Vio face palming from where he stood.

Red looked at Link with large, irresistible puppy dog eyes, creeping up to him, "Eat me..."

Link took a few steps back, only to be pinned against the wall by the hero in red.

"I SAID EAT MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Red head butted Link in the mouth, trying to get the boy to eat him. But that wasn't going to happen. This story may have low standards, but they were not low enough to stoop to vore.

"RED WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING?" Someone cried.

Red and Link both turned around to see...

Green! The boy had his jaw dropped, seeing the peculiar sight.

"Oh! Hello Green!" Red cheerfully waved, "I was just trying to get Link to eat me!"

"... Why!?" Green looked horrified.

"So I can get him pregnant and we can have Link-Red babies!" Red exclaimed.

"... I don't think that's how getting pregnant works," Green muttered.

"How does it work then..?" Red asked sadly.

"..." Green thought for a few seconds before raising his voice, "VIO! HOW DO YOU GET PREGNANT!"

"YOU NEED A VAGINA, IDIOT!"

"... WHAT'S A VAGINA?!"

"..." Vio didn't respond and the three boys stood in the corridor in silence, exchanging glances. Link was astounded at how... Stupid the boys were.

Someone then came running up the stairs. It was...

Shadow!

"Hey, guys, where's the bleach?" Shadow asked.

"Why do you ask?" Asked Green.

"Vio asked me to find him some bleach so he can drink it. I wonder why though. Does bleach taste nice?" Shadow asked.

"Hm... I dunno. Maybe we should all try it!" Red exclaimed cheerfully.

Link sighed and made a few gestures, explaining what bleach does.

"It's lethal!?" Green gasped.

"I dunno what 'lethal' is, but it sounds bad. VIO I AIN'T GETTIN' YA BLEACH!" Shadow cried out.

"I WAS BEING SARCASTIC ANYWAY."

"FINE THEN!" Shadow then waved cheerfully at Green and Red, before giving Link the middle finger and running downstairs.

"He doesn't like you," Green explained to Link.

Link wondered why sarcastically.

"Anyway! Do you want to get back to eating me!?" Red asked happily.

"No, he doesn't," Green sighed, before grabbing Link's hand, "Do you want to go?"

Link nodded and they left Red standing alone in the corridor.

"... I wonder what bleach tastes like..." Red wondered to himself.

Link spent the next few days with Green and learned that Green actually had a personality. The boy was protective and loyal, and also liked to joke around.

Green seemed like the sanest member of the group, despite being an idiot. They spent most their days doing Castle duties and chatting with the fellow knights.

One evening, Link was sitting alone in the barracks, thinking about the fact that everyone kept falling in love with him. He knew he was gorgeous, but frankly, all this falling in love with him was getting more annoying than flattering.

That was when Link was knocked unconscious from behind. When he woke up, he found himself laying in a wedding chapel, wearing a white bride's dress. The hero slowly stood up, and looked up to see someone standing at the alter. It was...

Green!

A sigh escaped Link's lips as he marched up to the alter, wanting answers.

"Hello, Linkette," Green greeted calmly.

Link raised an eyebrow.

"From now on: you are Linkette and you shall be my bride. I'm not into dudes, but I like you so you must be a girl!" Green grinned.

"..." Link deadpanned. He was getting really tired of this.

"Dearly beloved," a priest suddenly appeared out of nowhere and Link almost had a heart attack, "We are gathered here today to celebrate the union between Green Link and totally a chick Linkette."

"Our children will be so beautiful," Green sniffed.

"..." Link glared at him.

"What? We're getting married! And we'll have kids! And I'll be an embarrassing daddy who makes lots of dad jokes!" Green then stayed silent for a few seconds before speaking up again, "Hey, tonight when we celebrate our union, can you call me 'Daddy'?"

Link scoffed in disgust.

"Green, do you take Linkette to be your lawfully wedded wife?" The priest asked Green.

"I do," Green smiled at Link.

"Linkette, do you take Green to be your lawfully wedded husband?" The priest asked Link.

Link glared in response.

"That's a yes!" Green quickly stated.

"I see. Does anyone object to this union taking place? Speak now or forever hold your peace," the priest looked upon the empty audience.

Suddenly, the church doors got destroyed and someone marched in. It was...

Blue!

"Green? WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL ARE YOU DOING!?" Blue yelled, storming towards the alter.

"MARRYING THE LOVE OF MY LIFE! LINKETTE! LOOK AT HER! SHE'S BEAUTIFUL!" Green shrieked in response.

Blue glanced at Link, noticing the hero's annoyed expression. Giving a sigh, Blue punched Green in the face, knocking his clone out.

"C'mon," Blue grumbled awkwardly, avoiding eye contact, gesturing Link to follow him, "Let's get you out of that stupid dress."

Link gave a sigh of relief and followed the hero in Blue.

Over the next few days, Blue begrudgingly protected Link from the rest of his crazy clones. At first, Link thought Blue as a selfish hot-head, but now he was growing to realise that, deep down, Blue was just a sensitive, misunderstood hottie who needed love. No matter how many times Blue said "I'm not doing this cuz I like you or anything, baka!" Link knew that Blue truly cared for him.

They were currently training together in the courtyard, their swords slashing. These were actual swords, they weren't screwing, just innocently duelling.

"Heh," Blue commented, "You're a good fighter."

Link smirked in return as they continued the duel. Eventually, they decided to break from duelling, siting down next to each other.

"So, I've been at the library," Blue said, taking out a book.

Link blinked, looking at it. The title said 'time rifts: how to get back to your own time'.

"Vio purposely hid it, but I managed to find it! So! This means you can get home, right?" Blue offered a smile, yet there was a sadness behind it. Link could tell this was breaking Blue's heart - it was breaking his too.

Giving a sigh, Link shook his head. Blue's eyes widened, "What do ya mean ya don't wanna leave? My clones have been givin' you hell."

"..." Link pointed at Blue.

"You want to stay... For me? B-But that's stupid! I-I... You don't deserve me," Blue gave a sigh.

Link held the blue hero's hand tentatively, a calming smile on his face.

"Link..." Blue muttered. The gap in between them closed, and the boys kissed. It was a chaste kiss, a pure one. A kiss of true, genuine love.

Then Blue caught on fire.

"..!?" Link looked at the boy in horror, trying in vain to save him. But, unfortunately, Blue died in Link's arms tonight. It must have been something he said. Blue just died Link's arms tonight. It must have been some sort of kiss. He should have walked away. He should have walked away.

Crap. Now that stupid song was stuck in Link's head. He looked up to see the culprit of Blue's unjust murder to see...

Red!

"..!" Link glared at the boy, taking out his sword.

"Don't be so rash!" Red giggled happily, "He was just getting in the way of our love."

"MOVE OUT THE WAY, RED!" Someone shouted.

Both boys turned around to see...

Green! Running up to them, wielding his sword (the actual sword).

"Linkette's mine!" Green growled, gripping the sword tightly (again! The actual sword. he wasn't- y'know, nevermind. Imagine what you will).

"No, he's mine! I was the first one to act on my love!" Red screeched.

"Wrong," an arrow flew passed Red's head, only just missing. Everyone turned around to see...

Vio! Holding a bow and arrow, standing on the roof for safety.

"I was the one who acted first. I almost slept with Link! If it weren't for the idiot the author for some reason ships me with, I would have gotten away with it too!" Vio explained.

"Hmm... How do we solve this issue? We can't share him," Green sighed.

"How about... WE FIGHT TO THE DEATH!" Red laughed maniacally, using the fire rod to set fire to everything he saw.

"That sounds fun," Vio smirked.

"Wait- Guys- NOOOOOOO!" Green screamed. Soon he was engulfed in arrows and flames, screaming in pain as he joined Blue in the afterlife.

Link wondered if he should stop this, but decided just to watch. He was interested to see who would win. Grabbing a bag of popcorn, he sat down, munching on the snack as he watched the intense battle.

The battle between Red and Vio lasted for hours. Soon, the whole house was burned down, and arrows covered everything.

Red almost won, his fire rod overpowering Vio's bow and arrow, Vio having to dodge the flames. Suddenly, the fire rod stopped producing fire and Red looked confused.

"Wha...?"

"Haha! I predicted your rod would run out of power, so I made sure you'd keep using it until it does! Now you're defenceless!" Vio laughed evilly.

"B-But... Vio..." Red pulled out his adorable puppy dog eyes, tears streaming down his cheeks, "I wuv you... You're like a brother-"

Red never finished the sentence, instead he was shot through the heart and Link's to blame! Link gives love a bad name!

Vio smirked, "I win."

The boy turned to look at Link, and marched up to him, pushing him against the wall, "Looks like you're mine now."

Link glared at him.

"You're... rejecting me?" Vio looked horrified.

Link nodded.

"Well then... If I can't have you..." Vio pulled out a dagger, "NO ONE CAN!"

Link dodged the weapon and pulled out the Master Sword. Not the one Vio craved, but the real one. He stabbed it through Vio's stomach, and Vio coughed out blood.

"But..." Vio coughed out his last words, "I was supposed to be the one doing the penetrating..."

And he died.

Link took a step back, slowly taking in the massacre he just witnessed. Slowly, he approached Blue's dead body, kneeling down besides it. His first true love, dead. Link kissed the hero on the forehead, holding his hand tightly.

"WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENED HERE!?" Link turned around in shook to see...

Shadow Link! Entering what was left of the house, holding a bag of groceries,

"I left for a few hours to get a few groceries and I come back ta this!? What the-" Shadow then gasped in horror, dropping the bag, "VIIIIOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The boy hugged his dead boyfriend, before looking up to glare at Link, who was currently trying to sneak away.

"YOU...!" Shadow gasped, "YOU DID THIS!"

Link awkwardly smiled, before sprinting away, opening the book Blue gave him, panically looking through the contents. He saw a page on a time rift spell and immediately began to chant it despite being a mute.

"COME BACK HERE YA DINGUS!" Shadow chased after him.

Black fog then engulfed Link. Giving Shadow one final middle finger, Link was teleported away.

"..." Shadow seethed with rage, watching Link disappear, "I'll avenge you, Vio..."

Meanwhile, Link fell back into Hyrule Field. His Hyrule Field. The boy gave a sigh of relief, glad to be home, and continued his adventure, pretending nothing happened.

* * *

 **Yeeeeeaaaah Shadow's totally not gonna turn into an annoying, unnecessary, recurring character. Nope. Not at all.**

 **Hope you enjoyed! Please review! And I shall get back to my millions of unfinished ideas for this terrible story.**


	7. Taming the Evil King (Link x Ganondorf)

**Hellllooooo humans! I have finished writing and editing another chapter of this trash (** **and I still have, like, ten, still in writing)! 'Tis Link x Ganondorf cuz why not! We need a bit of those two... 'fighting'. And Zelda's here! Yay! I love Zelda! She's my girlfriend and I love her very very much! We're gonna get married someday. If she were real... *sobs***

 **ChocChipCookie1: I is also fan of that manga. I have an ask blog for it on tumblr cuz I'm cringy and sad and it sucks so I shall hide it from the world. And I loves the yandere.**

 **Oinker-P: I suddenly have an urge to watch Men in Black for the millionth time... The cat and the wolf shall be shipped when I get around to it. They are the true otp. The most canon ship in the entirety of the Zelda franchise. It is beautiful. True beauty.**

 **Disclaimer: Who has two thumbs and doesn't own LOZ? THIS GUY (you can't see me, but I'm pointing at myself).**

* * *

 **Chapter 7: Taming the Evil King (Ganondorf x Link)**

 **Description: Link and Ganondorf, the worst of enemies, fighting in a never ending battle. Something between them draws them closer, makes them need each other, want to do anything to be together. It is not their hatred for each other... But really bad unresolved sexual tension.**

* * *

Ganondorf had long given up on villainy for villainy's sake. He had long seen the errors of his ways in seeking power at the expense of others - of innocents. And yet! His reign or terror (well, technically it was peace, but shuush!) continued. Why you ask? Well, shut the fuck up I'm going to tell you, that's the fucking point of this story. Geez, patience...

Now where was I? Ah, yes. Ganondorf. King of Darkness, holder of the Triforce of Power. He sat at the throne of Hyrule, ruling with an iron fist (quite literally too, considering he often wore iron gloves).

Yet, something left Ganondorf unsatisfied. Unfulfilled. And it was something to do with a certain green clad hero.

Link had long given up on heroism for heroism's sake. He had long seen the errors of his ways in sacrificing his precious time to help others - to help innocents. And yet! He continued fighting the forces of darkness, he continued battling the evil creatures summoned by the evil king (he didn't bother protecting those ungrateful civilians though. Fuck them!)

Link, Hero of Hyrule, holder of the Triforce of Courage. He continuously fought against the forces of darkness, continuously protecting the Hyrule he no longer cared for.

It was unfulfilling, unsatisfying. Both Link and Ganondorf were trapped in the same conundrum, the same never ending loop. They were both unsatisfied with their situation, both wanting something different, something more.

To put in in simple terms: they had really bad unresolved sexual tension. Ganondorf was oblivious to this, ever the horse whispering, innocent virgin, thinking that these feelings were caused by his annoyance to the green hero.

Link, on the other hand, being quite experienced with love and lust by this point, knew exactly what was going on. He craved Ganondorf's gigantic demon sword, wishing for it to impale him roughly. He would never say it out loud though. Good thing he's a mute!

Their battles had come more often, the two clashing blades almost twice every single day. Unfortunately not in the way Link desired (basically, they were genuinely fighting, not screwing), but at least Ganondorf was paying attention to him. At least Ganondorf was thinking about him constantly, likely obsessing over the hero. The thought of Ganondorf constantly thinking about his sexy enemy brought a smile to Link's lips.

Link gave a heavy sigh, flopping on to his bed. Whenever he thought of Ganondorf, whenever he thought about the man's violence and temper, he couldn't help but be reminded of his first love. Perhaps Ganondorf's similarities to his first love was what drew Link in in the first place. He convinced himself that, much like his first love, Ganondorf was sensitive and misunderstood in the inside.

Oh! Why must they be enemies? Why couldn't they fight on the same side? Although Link no longer cared for Hyrule, no longer cared for being a hero, he still had a duty to fulfil. Being the hero of the story, it was completely impossible for him to switch sides - the author would never allow it.

This was a similar case to Ganondorf. Ganondorf himself had pondered the idea of turning a new leaf, of helping the good guys, but he was the villain of the story. It was as impossible for him to become a hero as it was for him to give up power and pursue his horse whispering dreams.

Both men let out sighs, not realising the other sighed with them, being in completely different locations. It was fate that caused them to sigh together, fate that connected them so.

Link left his bed chambers, deciding to talk about his problem with his closest friend and confidant - Princess Zelda. The only person Link knew who was just as dead inside as he was. She was currently in her throne room, looking bored.

Zelda had long given up on ruling for rulings sake. She had long seen the errors of her giving helpful advice to guide others - to guide innocents. And yet! She continued advising people, speaking her wise words of wisdom, simply because she had nothing better to do. Sometimes she would sneak in a bit of stupidity in her advice, just to have a little fun.

Zelda, Princess of Hyrule, holder of the Triforce of Wisdom. She continuously... Was kidnapped by Ganondorf. She never fought back nowadays, anyway. Link would just save her again.

"..!" Link ran up to her, waving. Giving a groan, Zelda stood up.

"What?" Zelda snapped, "I'm busy."

Link raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, I'm busy doing nothing. Ugh," she sneered. They weren't exactly friends, per say, more like 'frenemies', or siblings that begrudgingly dealt with each other.

"..." Link began his rant, arms flailing all over the place, eyes rolling around in every direction. If he weren't the hero, it would look comical, but because he was a hero, it looked super badass.

"..." Zelda blinked, "So, in short terms: you have sexual tension with... GANONDORF!?"

Link enthusiastically nodded.

"... And you want my advice?" Zelda sighed.

Link nodded again.

"..." Zelda thought for a few seconds, before coming to a conclusion, "There is no other choice. You gotta screw him."

Link gasped. It was a gasp of confusion, of surprise, and of delight.

"How will we manage this, you ask?" Zelda sighed, "How about... Next time he kidnaps me... You pretend to be me and take my place! Then you can... Do the do."

Link grinned, high-fiving her.

"... Why do I put up with you?" Zelda sighed.

Link shrugged.

According to the wall chart, the next time Ganondorf would kidnap Zelda would be in approximately seven hours. That gave them seven hours to prepare. Zelda made sure to do Link's makeup to make him look very pretty, and then styled his short hair to make it look more feminine. They then switched outfits, Link wearing Zelda's dress and Zelda wearing Link's tunic. The switch was complete, and now they had to play the waiting game.

Link sat next to Zelda, examining his beautiful nails, waiting for his beloved Ganny to come take him away. Fantasies filled his mind of what was to come, of the battles they would face. Soon Link would finally see Ganondorf's demon sword, and Ganondorf would see Link's Master Sword.

The two were silent, sitting in the darkness of the dark room. The sound of demons came and the two jumped up, knowing what this meant. They exchanged glances, Link smiling while Zelda looking completely done. The door smashed open and in came Ganondorf, weapon in hand, a threatening look on his face.

"Princess Zelda!" He boomed with a booming voice, "Give up fighting and come with me!"

"I won't let you take her," Zelda, or 'Link', said in a unenthusiastic tone, holding a replica of the Master Sword (the real Master Sword was hidden in Link's dress... Along with his other Master Sword).

"Link? You can speak?" Ganondorf winced slightly, trying to see in the darkness. The person who spoke did seem like Link, wearing his tunic and all, but in the gloomy gloom of the castle he couldn't quite tell.

"Yeah. I decided, 'hey, speaking sounds fun, let's try that for a change'. You know, to stop annoying others with that fact I never talk, which pisses off everyone," Zelda continued in her deadpan tone. Link elbowed her.

"Huh... I see. Well! Talking or not, I shall take Zelda! Mwahahaha!" Ganondorf charged and Zelda immediately jumped out the way.

"Why aren't you fighting back!?" Ganondorf sneered.

"Don't wanna. I'm really lazy, like an idiot, y'know? I'm just gonna be a pest for everyone now and sleep. Nighty night," Zelda pretended to fall asleep while Link gave her the middle finger.

"... Well then. That makes my job easier!" Ganondorf turned to look at Link, "You are coming with me!"

Link happily nodded.

"... Why aren't you speaking?"

Link made a few gestures.

"Because whenever you speak you make everyone want to kill themselves? I see." Ganondorf nodded, while Zelda gave Link the middle finger.

Ganondorf then threw Link over his shoulders, "Mwahahaha! I have the Princess once again! My evil plot shall ruin... um... everything!"

He sprinted out the castle, sprinting back to his own castle, where he sprinted to the basement and shoved Link into a dingy cell.

"You can't do anything now, Princess!" Ganondorf mocked, hands on hips, looking down threateningly at Link.

Link shrugged.

"... Why aren't you fighting back..!?"

A smirk formed on Link's lips as he whipped out his hidden Master Sword.

"Zelda... IS A BOY!?" Ganondorf fainted.

"..." Link looked unamused.

The King of Darkness lay there, unconscious, for a few hours. Occasionally, he'd suddenly gain back his consciousness, only to point at Link, scream, then faint again. Link sighed, dangling against the bars to the cells, the cells preventing him from going to his love. The boy stretched his arms from the bars, trying desperately to touch Ganondorf, unable to reach.

Perhaps this wasn't the best of ideas. Eventually Link found himself fiddling with his Master Sword (the actual sword, you perverts!), waiting for Ganondorf to come back to him.

The doors to the dungeon opened and Link gasped, seeing his evil reflection - Dark Link. The villain glanced around, looking confused and annoyed before seeing Ganondorf.

Dark Link had long given up on... Something for something's sake. He had long seen the errors of his ways in... Uh, being a clone- No, uh, hurting- no he loves hurting. Um... Something in the sake of others - of innocents. And yet! He continued something... Doing something with his life

Dark Link, evil clone of the Hero of Hyrule, holder of... Red eyes. He continuously... Did stuff.

He looked at Link with a frown, before gesturing manically.

Link shrugged.

Dark Link gestured at the unconscious Ganondorf.

Link showed Dark Link his Master Sword.

Dark Link facepalmed.

Giving a groan, he softly kicked his Master. Immediately, Ganondorf climbed to his feet, before looking at the two.

"E...Eh...?! Dark Link! Why do you look like Zel-"

Dark Link gestured.

"Wait! So this is Link!?" Ganondorf gasped. He blinked, staring at the hero, before groaning, "Ugh! I am such a fool! Fooled by the hero! How foolish of me!"

Link shrugged, giving a reassuring smile.

"Well... I guess it was a good disguise," Ganondorf admitted.

Dark Link glared.

"Then again, I should have known! Zelda would never become a mute!" Ganondorf sighed loudly.

Dark Link shrugged, before giving Link the middle finger and leaving. Link returned the finger, glaring at his enemy. Once Dark Link was gone, Link smiled at Ganondorf.

"... Why are you smiling at me? Isn't this bad for you too?" Ganondorf questioned with a frown.

Link made some more gestures.

"You want to be here..!? What are you plotting?" Ganondorf sneered, marching up to the hero. Their faces were close, Link could feel Ganondorf's breath, and his Master Sword turned into the Skyward Sword. Unfortunately, this was covered by the dress Link wore, so Ganondorf wouldn't know how aroused Link felt.

"..." Link blew Ganondorf a kiss, giggling.

"What in the name of Din..!?" Ganondorf was clearly taken aback, jumping back.

"..." Link gestured some more.

"No! I am not sleeping with you! Who do you think I am!?" Ganondorf shrieked.

Link shrugged, gesturing some more.

"No, I am not a dominant evil king who wants to roughen you up! By the Goddesses!" Ganondorf scoffed, before turning away and storming out.

Link gave a sad sigh.

Ganondorf didn't understand why, out of nowhere, Link was coming on to him. They were enemies - their ancestors were enemies! Every reincarnation of one another turned into enemies. So why, why out of all the other timelines and wars, why did Link have to try to get into Ganondorf's pants now? He was a very busy man, who kept his sword inside his pants, thank you much!

The man sighed loudly, sitting on his throne of absolute evil and darkness, pondering the nature of his and Link's existence. Why, he asked himself, why did he feel such strange feelings towards Link? And why now?

"..."

Ganondorf's attention was grabbed by the greeting of Dark Link. He turned around to face the evil version of the hero, the other male crossing his arms, an annoyed expression on his face.

"Yes, I know I kidnapped the wrong person," Ganondorf rolled his eyes in response.

"..." Dark Link sighed.

"Why they switched? Link told me the reason they switched was because..." Ganondorf could help but cringe, "He wanted to sleep with me."

Dark Link gasped in horror.

"I know! Seriously, does he not realise we're enemies!?" Ganondorf began to rant, ranting about his relationship with the green hero, ranting about the fact Link wanted to screw him. It was a long rant.

By the end of it, Dark Link was ranted out, sitting down, looking like he was having an existential crisis. The rant did last five hours, so no wonder Dark Link seemed so tired out by this.

"And there's this strange thing I feel towards him! At first I thought it was because of my loathing, despising, hatred for him! But now... Now I'm not so sure! What should I do!?" Shrieked Ganondorf desperately, waving his arms in the air.

Dark Link thought for a few seconds, ever being Ganondorf's wise adviser. Eventually he shrugged and began doing some pelvic thrusting movements.

"No! I am not sleeping with him!" Ganondorf gasped.

"..." Dark Link thought for a few more seconds, before using his finger to mimic slicing his throat.

"Execute him...?! But..." Ganondorf attempted to think of cons to the idea, but none came. His greatest enemy would be dead, and he would be easily able to take over Hyrule! And yet...

"...!" Dark Link continued gesturing in attempt to convince him, pointing out how killing Link would help him.

Finally, Ganondorf gave an exasperated sigh, "Fine... I'll have Link executed in the morning. You tell him the news. I can't bare to face him."

Dark Link enthusiastically nodded, running to the dungeons. He moonwalked towards Link's cell, before facing the boy, disco dancing.

"..." Link looked really confused as to why Dark Link was so happy. He tilted his head.

Dark Link gestured.

Link gasped in horror.

Dark Link mimicked evil laughter.

Link began to shake his fist.

Dark Link continued disco dancing in joy.

Link gave him the middle finger.

Dark Link skipped out, returning the finger. He ran up to Ganondorf, pretending to look solemn. The evil king looked upset, so it was Dark Link's duty to comfort him.

"Do you think executing him was a good idea?" Ganondorf questioned, wiping away a few tears.

Dark Link nodded in response, before pointing at Ganondorf's head.

"Yes, I know I'm a genius," Ganondorf gave a heavy sigh, "For now we should rest. We'll prepare the execution at dawn."

The two parted ways, both going to their separate chambers. No one slept that night. Ganondorf found himself sobbing all night long, strangely sad that he was to kill his enemy in the morning, while Link also sobbed, sad that he was rejected. Dark Link, on the other hand, threw a party, one in which all of the villains of the universe was invited to. Except Ganondorf.

That morning, Ganondorf left his bed chambers, dressing in his most threatening outfit, looking menacingly dramatic. He ignored the state of the palace - ignoring the party decorations, party foods and unconscious villains littering the floor. Instead he went outside, where his minions were preparing the execution.

He sighed. Ganondorf should be happy, ecstatic, that he was finally killing his worst enemy, the boy he had battled for so many years. But something inside his heart hurt, ached, agonised. Why, he asked, why did he have to be so upset?

All of the villains of the universe, all half drunk, arrived to watch the event, all excited to see their enemy die. Dark Link was leading them, a smirk on his lips. Ganondorf knew that now he couldn't step down, he couldn't look weak. All these villains looked up to him, respected him, wanted to be him. He couldn't disappoint them now.

Link was dragged to the courtyard by Ganondorf's minions, pushed roughly to his fate. He had always wanted Ganondorf to treat him roughly, but not like this. His head was pushed under a guillotine and he looked up at Ganondorf with sad eyes, sad eyes that caused Ganondorf's heart to hurt even more.

Soon the hero's head will fall, chopped off ruthlessly by the guillotine.

Dark Link stood menacingly at the lever, preparing to have the hero killed. He was excited, a malicious grin on his face. Before he could pull the lever, however, before he could end Link's life, a Deus Ex Machina occurred! Hooray! An arrow was shot at him, and the evil clone managed to narrowly dodge out the way. All the villains looked up to see who attacked, to see who was interrupting this monumental occasion, and who they saw caused all their eyes to widen.

It was Zelda, still dressed in Link's gear, an army behind her. She shot a few of Ganondorf's minions, killing them instantly, before charging with her army. The villains, all still nursing monumental hangovers, were being overpowered, unable to fight to their usual might (hey! That rhymed!).

Then, out of nowhere, the villains began to overpower the army. Ganondorf stood at the execution platform, staring at the battle in shook. He looked and Link, and Link looked at him. That was when Ganondorf realised it - what he felt for Link, it wasn't hate, it was love!

The man yelled at the top of his lungs, voice booming, grabbing the attention of everyone, "STOP! I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT!"

Everyone stopped fighting, curious to see what Ganondorf was to say. The Hylian army prepared for the worst, while the villains excitedly waited to see what evil speech the king of darkness had prepared.

Ganondorf freed Link from the guillotine, pulling him close.

"I AM IN LOVE WITH LINK!" He boomed.

The jaws of everyone watching, except Zelda and Dark Link, dropped, everyone stunned by what Ganondorf had just stated. Meanwhile, Zelda and Dark Link face palmed in unison, likely expecting this to eventually happen.

"Ehhhhhh!?" a villain, a wind Mage known as Vaati gasped in horror, "B-But he's a hero!"

"Yes... Because of that..." Ganondorf paused for dramatication, something that worked, many of his watchers catching their breaths, "I SHALL BECOME A HERO!"

"WHAT!?" Vaati looked completely horrified, before glaring at Ganondorf and exchanging glances with some of his fellow villains, "If you are becoming a hero then, we must destroy you!"

"NOOO!" Suddenly, Vaati was tackled by another villain. It was Ghirahim, the demon sword who looked a little like Lady Gaga, ever the romantic, "GANONDORF'S IN LOVE!"

"SO!? HE'S IN LOVE WITH A HERO!"

"IT'S STILL LOVE!"

"HE'S BECOMING A HERO!"

"FOR LOVE!"

"GHIRAHIM! STOP BEING AN IDIOT!" Vaati prepared to fight the sword man.

"I AM NOT AN IDIOT!" Ghirahim jumped back, dramatically posing, "At least people remember who I am!"

"What do you mean by that!?" Vaati shrieked.

"Oooooh, I dunno~" Ghirahim innocently twiddled with his white hair, "It's not like you're constantly forgotten about, not a cool enough villain to be in Hyrule Warriors, only been in two lesser known canon games, and people don't know who the heck you are."

"THREE GAMES! I'VE BEEN IN THREE GAMES! YOU'VE ONLY BEEN IN ONE!" Vaati screamed, furious. It was obvious Ghirahim had hit a nerve.

"And I'm still more well known than you~! EVEN ZANT IS MORE WELL KNOWN THAN YOU!" Ghirahim laughed loudly.

"YAY!" Zant cheered.

"Shut up, Zant, nobody loves you," Ghirahim snapped.

"Aww..." Zant looked sad.

"A-Anyway! We're talking about Ganondorf here! Not who's the most popular!" Vaati sneered, clenching his fists.

"Of course, 'cause the answer is obvious - moi~!" Ghirahim fabulously blew a kiss.

"AGH...!" Vaati glared daggers at Ghirahim, "We're not allowing Ganondorf to turn into a hero and survive...!"

"Yes we are! 'Cause he's in love! Amirite!?" Ghirahim looked at the villains gathered behind him.

Villains such as Cia, Zant and Yuga cheered.

"No we're not! It's stupid, right!?" Vaati looked at the villains behind him.

These villains, including the likes of Majora, Veran and Malladus, agreed loudly.

"Ooh! The populars vs the unpopulars~!" Ghirahim cheered, "Except Majora. Hey, wanna swap places with Zant?"

"Sure," the mask switched sides, kicking Zant to Vaati, Veran and Malladus.

"BUT I'M POPULAR!" Zant screamed, tears in his eyes.

"SHUT UP! PEOPLE PLAY YOUR GAME FOR MIDNA, NOT YOU!" Ghirahim yelled and Zant burst into ugly sobbing.

"STOP THIS MADNESS!" Ganondorf jumped in between the split up villains, obviously upset by their reactions, "We are all friends! Just because someone has a different morality doesn't mean you can't be friends! Yes, I love Link, but that doesn't mean I want to cut you all out of my life."

"Awww!" Ghirahim squealed, before looking at Vaati, "See? He's in love!"

"..." Vaati stayed silent for a few seconds, before speaking up again, "He is in love...

...

...

...

... STILL GONNA KILL HIM FOR BETRAYING US THOUGH! CHAAAAAAARGEEEE!" The tiny man lead his villains into battle, and another fight broke out, this time among the villains.

Veran was pulling on Cia's hair, screaming, "I was the original sexy female villain, you non-canon bitch!"

Then Twinrova blasted in between them to beat them both up, "NO, WE WERE!"

Yuga and Cole were busy strangling each other, arguing over who was more popular among those too.

"DIE YOU BEAST THING!" Yuga yelled, atempting to land a strike on Malladus.

"NEVER, YOU MAKE-UP ENTHUSIAST!"

Zant was being beaten up by Majora, Volga, King Bublin, and Midna (who wasn't a villain, she just loved to beat up Zant), because nobody loved Zant.

"I just wanna be respected and loved for the villain I am..." Zant sobbed.

And Ghirahim and Vaati were busy chewing each other out, spitting out cruel words about the other.

"AT LEAST I'M NOT TRYING TO FUCK MY DEAD MASTER!" Vaati screamed.

"AT LEAST I'M NOT TINY!" Ghirahim screamed back.

"AT LEAST I HAVE A BRAIN!" Vaati yelled.

"AT LEAST I HAVE A SEXY BUTT!" Ghirahim yelled back, before adding, "And didn't at one point turn into a weird floating eye demon!"

"IT WAS A PHASE!" Vaati lunged at Ghirahim.

Ganondorf watched as his friends fought with sad eyes. He thought about all the times they had spent together, making evil plans, plotting to kill Link. It broke his heart to see them like that. Only last night, they were drinking and celebrating with one another, but now... Now they hated each other. But Ganondorf knew he couldn't step back. With the Hylian army, he charged to defeat the villains in the way of his and Link's love.

It didn't take long for that to happen, as at this point, the evil villains were severely overpowered. They were soon in chains and shackles, Vaati seething at Ghirahim, who twerked in response.

"HURRAH!" The Hylian Knights cheered, and Link and Ganondorf ran to each other, Ganondorf hugging the hero tightly. It was beautiful, like those scenes in movies when two lovers see each other for the first time in a long time and go running to each other (you know, in a field, one wearing a dress, that kinda stuff). Link was even wearing a dress! Zelda's dress.

"YES! RUN TO HIM! RUN TO YOUR LOVE!" Ghirahim screamed, tears in his eyes, hugging the chained up Vaati.

"Let go of me...!" Vaati growled.

Link and Ganondorf looked each other in the eyes, smiling to one another. They soon kissed, a deep, loving kiss which caused all those who watched to cheer. Even Vaati felt slightly happy for them.

Then Ganondorf caught on fire, and Link had a serious case of deja-vu.

"What in the...!?" Ganondorf patted the flames out, only to be attacked by water coming from nowhere, then plants attacking him.

Link looked horrified trying to protect his love.

"WHAT'S GOING ON!?" Ghirahim screamed in horror.

"Wait..." Zelda's eyes widened, "The Goddesses are attacking him!"

"Can you tell them to stop!?" Ganondorf yelled, fighting for his life.

"..." Link gestured in fear.

"Why they're doing this? Because he's supposed to be the main villain! They don't want him becoming good!" Zelda explained.

"Yeah, well, FUCK YOU GODDESSES!" Ganondorf stuck a middle finger in the air, Link following his example.

"I don't thing you should aggravate them further-" Zelda warned, only to be ignored.

"I DO WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT! I WON'T LET THREE PETTY BITCHES TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" Ganondorf continues.

"Ganondorf-!" Zelda tried to intervene.

"I AM GANONDORF! I'LL DEFY THE THREE SLUTS AS MUCH AS I LIKE!" Ganondorf finally screamed, and the attacks stopped.

"Heh," Ganondorf chuckled, "Look who's boss now-"

His head exploded.

Link gasped in horror, covered in brains and blood.

Ganondorf was now dead.

"The three Goddesses... Killed him..." Ghirahim then screamed at the top of his lungs, "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIEEEEEE!"

All the villains, except Dark Link, panicked, rushing away from the evil palace, hoping desperately that they wouldn't have the same fate.

With sad eyes, Link cradled the man he loved. Zelda kneeled down next to him, patting him on the back.

Link glared at the sky, glaring at the three Goddesses. He gave a single middle finger before returning to mourning.

"..." Dark Link hid behind a wall, glaring in Link's direction. He had a plan forming in his mind to kill Link with a mysterious ally he had just gained. The male snuck away, silently laughing to himself.

And so, a dramatic funeral was held. All of Ganondorf's previous crimes had been forgotten, and he went into history as a hero. Link parted from his grave, knowing that he should move on. He promised himself he would never forget about Ganondorf, about the brief time they spent together.

The next day, he forgot about it.

* * *

 **I've almost finished the Dark one, so he's probs gonna be next so yaaaay!**

 **Also, Link is becoming pretty desensitised to all this death.**

 **'til next time my precious humans.**


	8. Clone Lovin' (Link x Dark Link)

**'Tis another chapter to read! Yaaaay! I hope you enjoy and I don't really have much else to say!**

 **Oinker-P: Those Goddess damned Goddesses! They probably are the main villains... Oh! And that Ruto fic will (hopefully) be next! But it might not... But it might will!**

 **Guest: I'm guessing all of these are from the same person. Thank you for these amusing comments. I must say, if you hated this story so much, why are reading it? Also, have I accidentally pushed you into insanity?**

 **Disclaimer: Still don't own LOZ. If I did, Zelda and I would be on our honeymoon right now.**

* * *

 **Chapter 8: Clone Lovin' (Dark Link x Link)**

 **Description: Dark Link plans to do anything to kill his worst enemy, Link, even if it means teaming up with the most annoying, most stupid, most infuriating brat in the world! Also, he can't swim! This has nothing to do with the story, or anything, and it's totally not foreshadowing anything. Dark Link just can't swim. He won't drown. I swear.**

* * *

The party to celebrate the future execution of Link was... Wild, to say the least. Villains were drinking like there was no tomorrow, screaming and dancing at the top of their lungs. Everyone was really happy that their worst enemy, the green hero that foiled their plans so much, was finally going to die the next day.

Even Vaati and Ghirahim were getting along, and that's saying something!

"Wooooooo!" Ghirahim cheered, arm over the shorter man's shoulder, "I wonder why we even hated each other!"

"We don't even know each other in canon! The author is just making us enemies for some future plot thing or something," Vaati slurred.

"I'm sure we'd be the best of buddies if we met in canon!" Ghirahim laughed.

"... Actually, we probably wouldn't," Vaati muttered, left ignored by the insanely drunk Ghirahim.

Dark Link couldn't help but smirk as he watched the scene, holding his cup of Evil Beer™. He, too, was incredibly pleased at this event, glad that his stupid clone in green would die. Nothing could ruin this moment! At least, that's what Dark Link thought.

"DIEEEEE LINK!" Dark Link found himself tackled by a crazy looking person dressed head-to-toe in clothes from Hot Topic. No one bothered to stop this, all too intoxicated to care.

Dark Link wrestled off this crazy person to see a male who looked a bit similar to him, it was another Link! He never knew there was another Dark Link - did Ganondorf create him without telling the first Dark Link?

He gestured at this angry shadow.

"Wah..!? Ya forgot meeee already!? I'm Shadow Link! Ya killed my boyfriend!" This strange 'Shadow Link' continued his vain attempts at attacking Dark Link.

"..." Dark Link gestured some more.

"Whadoya mean ya not recognise me!? We meet, like, two weeks ago! YA KILLED MA BOYFRIEND!" Shadow Link screamed maniacally. All the other villains were now gazing at the boys in interest, the two clearly having made a scene.

Dark Link gave a sigh, before pulling Shadow Link away, entering a private room so he could get answers. He looked down at the other, gesturing.

"Eh!? Ya Link's dark side!? BULLSHIT! I know Link when I see him! Ya Link!" The shadow exclaimed.

Dark Link rolled his eyes.

"Ya red eyes are contacts, obviously!"

Dark Link sighed.

"Ya grey skin is paint!"

Dark Link raised an eyebrow.

"Ya white hair is dyed!"

Dark Link facepalmed.

"Waaaaaait! Ya not Link!" Shadow Link gasped, "YA TRIED TO TRICK ME!"

"..." Dark Link deadpanned. Was this person really that... Stupid?

"Wait, ya hate Link too?! YAY!" Doing a complete 360, Shadow changed from furious to ecstatic, jumping on to Dark Link, hugging him tightly.

"..." Dark Link sighed.

Letting go of the hug, Shadow gleefully squealed, "We should, like, totally team up or something and kill Link!"

Dark Link had to explain that Link was getting executed the next day, so there was no point.

"BULLSHIT! LINK AIN'T DYIN' YET!" Shadow Link exclaimed. Dark Link sighed for the hundredth time - this was going to be a loooong night.

The next day, however, Dark Link's hopes and dreams were all crushed when his Master proclaimed his love for the hero, died and then the hero escaped. Soon, the evil palace of complete evilness was completely empty, except for Dark Link and his new, self-proclaimed roommate... *sigh*... Shadow Link.

Instead of planning to kill Link together, like Dark Link hoped, Shadow Link just blabbered about his problems, listened to this song which went "WAKE ME UP INSIDE" and angsted.

Well, at least Dark Link discovered the annoying brat's motives - explained exactly like this:

"SO! Like, one day I was adventurin' with Link, who was split in four and I was dating his purple version, Vio! So, like, we then find this other Link dude - ya Link - and, like the lovely peoples we were, we gave 'em a place ta stay! And, like, how he repays us, ya ask? TRIES TO SEDUCE MY BAE! If it, like, weren't for the amazin' me, my boyfriend would have, like, almost fallen for it! BUT THEN LINK KILLED MY BOYFRIEND IN COLD BLOOD! Like, dude! Just cuz you, like, weren't able to sleep with my supah sexy boyfriend doesn't mean you 'ave ta kill 'em!"

Shadow Link explained that, in those exact words, every hour. It got on Dark Link's nerves - if he could talk, he would have yelled at the insufferable shadow already. Unfortunately, he couldn't talk, so he had to bare with it.

It had been a week since the tragic death of Dark Link's Master, Ganondorf, and the two still hadn't got to planning how they would take down Link for good. Apparently, Shadow Link had a very busy schedule - he wakes up at ten in the morning, before spending three hours angsting, then at one he spends an hour eating lunch, at two he begins another three hours of angsting, then five comes and he ALWAYS throws a party (only he and Dark Link attend though), the party ends at ten, then Shadow spends the night thinking about his dead boyfriend.

It was really annoying.

Dark Link stood outside of Shadow Link's chambers, impatient. Today he was going to confront Shadow on his annoying behaviour, tell him he needs to start helping him plot to kill Link or he will be kicked out. He wasn't even helping Dark Link pay rent for the palace, and the rent was expensive to pay on your own!

"WAKE ME UP! WAKE ME UP INSIDE!" Shadow sung at the top of his lungs from inside his chambers, his voice echoing through the whole palace, "WAKE ME UP! WAKE ME UP INSIDE! SAAAVE ME! SAVE ME FROM THE NOTHING I'VE BECOME!"

Dark Link loudly slammed his fist against the door.

Shadow Link ignored him and continued singing, "WAKE ME UP INSIDE!"

"..!" Dark Link was punching the door by this point, trying his hardest to gain the idiot's attention.

Finally, after what felt like and probably was hours, Shadow replied, opening the door with an angry expression, "WHAT!? I'M BUSY ANGSTING HERE!"

Dark Link angrily gestured.

"Of course we're gonna kill Link! Like, I'm totally planning his death as I angst!" Shadow lied.

Dark Link raised an eyebrow.

"So!? My boyfriend is, like, DEAD. I can angst as much as I want!" Shadow yelled, before slamming the door on Dark Link's face, "YA CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TA DO! YA AIN'T MA MOTHER!"

Dark Link facepalmed, before storming off. He seriously should kick that pest out. Instead of doing that, however, he left the palace, storming through Castle Town in the middle of the night, storming to Telma's bar. He really needed a drink at this point. He would drown his sorrows, something that was easy considering Dark Link couldn't swim. He would drown in the alcohol he'd consume, flapping and flailing as he drifted into intoxication. A comparison that totally doesn't foreSHADOW anything and has no relevance to this story.

The evil version of the hero grumpily sat at one of the stools of the bar, looking really grumpy.

"What do you want?" Telma, the lady in charge of the bar, questioned.

Dark Link gestured and she passed him a glass of Evil Beer™ , him paying her a few rupees. The male began to drink the alcoholic beverage, trying to forget about the torturous week he just had. He could really stand to do something stupid right now.

Someone sat down next to Dark Link. It was Link!

Dark Link gasped, turning to glare at him, and Link glared back. Both reached for their Master Swords (the real ones), preparing to fight to the death.

"Boys!" Telma snapped, glaring at them and pointing at a sign next to her, "No killing in the bar!"

Dark Link and Link glared at her, asking for a better solution.

"Well, how 'bout you two have a drinking competition!" Telma suggested, realising that she could make money out of the two, "The one to win is the best one!"

People in the bar cheered at the idea, and Link and Dark Link exchanged glances. They eventually both nodded and they prepared for this competition that would decide their fate. Telma gave each Link a large tray of shot glasses and the two began their battle, glugging down as much alcohol they could.

Dark Link glared at Link, who was in the lead, and increased his pace, gulping down the shots at twice the speed. They soon both finished at the exact same time, drunkily glaring at one another.

"It's a draw!" Telma cheered and the whole bar laughed.

Link looked at Telma and gestured.

"You want a re-round? Alright!" She grinned as Link paid her some more, passing the boys some more shot glasses. Five rounds of drawing later, the boys gave up on this competition. At this point, they were really drunk, dancing around the pub and slurring on their gestures.

They even forgot they hated each other, instead laughing with one another, telling each other about how their lives were.

Dark Link drunkily gestured to Link.

Link gestured back.

They burst into laughter.

Dark Link then pointed at his own shadow then at the purple curtains.

Link gasped, and told him his side of the tale! He pointed at the purple curtains, then at the chains which for some reason hung at the walls.

Dark Link gasped.

He then pointed at red curtains, and at some cookies, then at some blood. Dark Link gasped even more.

Link pointed at green curtains, then at a picture on the wall of someone getting married. Dark Link almost fainted.

Then the hero pointed at blue curtains and gave a dreamy sigh, clutching his heart. That sigh was soon replaced by an angered expression and the mimic of stabbing someone.

Dark Link couldn't believe what he just heard: the truth of what happened with Shadow Link!

The boys drunk some more, and soon Dark Link and Link completely blacked out, unable to remember the later events of that night.

The next morning, Dark Link awoke in his chambers, harbouring an epic hangover. His head was in agony. He slowly opened his ruby coloured orbs, uncomfortably lying in his bed. Slowly, he sat up, only to realise something absolutely and completely utterly majorly horrible. He was in bed with Link, both naked.

It didn't take a genius to figure out what happened.

Not long after Dark Link awoke, Link woke up and, seeing Dark Link, almost screamed. They both nudged away from each other, using the sheets to cover their bodies. Both were clearly horrified, realising that the night prior, their swords came into contact with each other.

That was when the door opened, flying off its hinges.

"Hey! Dark Link! I've come up with an epic idea of how ta kill-" Shadow froze the moment he saw Link and Dark Link in bed together, "... This is exactly what it looks like, ain't it?"

"..." both Link and Dark Link stayed silent, shame radiating from the both of them.

"... Ya guys are clones!" Shadow shrieked in disgust, "Y-Ya sleepin' together... Tha... That shit's just NASTY!"

Link and Dark Link both raised their eyebrows at Shadow.

"Hey!" Shadow gasped in offence, "What Vi and I had was different! We had connection, love, loyalty and really, REALLY amazin' sex!"

"..." Link rolled his eyes.

"No! Ya and Dark Link together is completely different! It's gross and wrong! Ya guys look IDENTICAL! IT'S NASTY!" Shadow screamed, waving his arms in the air, eyes wide in complete and utter disgust.

Dark Link then gestured.

"Then explain a legit reason why Vi and I ain't nasty?" Shadow repeated, disgusted, "I already said so! Also! The author ships us, so HA!"

Dark Link sighed before facepalming.

"What's ma plan to kill Link, ya ask?" Shadow asked smugly, almost as if Link wasn't there, sitting awkwardly in the bed, "WELL! We shall put a slice of cake outside his house and once he's lured out by the cake, we pounce! Stab 'em to death! He'll never see it coming! MWAHAHAHAHA!"

Link coughed to grab Shadow's attention.

"You heard nothin'," Shadow whispered ominously.

"..." Link gestured, repeating the shadow's plan.

"..." Shadow then screamed, "GODDESS DARN IT! I SPENT FIVE HOURS WORKIN' ON THAT! AGH!"

The purple haired male stormed out the room, crying lots and lots of tears. He was very sad because his plan was ruined. Now back to Dark Link and Link.

The males both exchanged glances, before bursting into laughter. Although an annoyance called 'Shadow' wasn't the best thing to talk to when hungover, he could be amusing at times. However, when they realised who they were laughing with, both males froze.

An awkward silence came upon them, and they both looked down. Dark Link awkwardly fiddled with the bed sheets, not really knowing what to gesture. The two were soon dressed, no longer basking in the afterglow. Dark Link showed Link to the exit of the castle, after asking if he wanted any eggs, the two standing outside, near the moat filled deeply with deep water. Almost as deeply as Dark Link's sword was in Link the night prior.

They stood still for what felt like forever, the same thought in their head. Surely, they could never see each other in the same light, perceptions forever changed by the hard, rough, passionate night they had just had. A hard, rough, passionate night that made them realise something they never had realised before.

Link didn't leave. Instead deep blue eyes that anyone, especially Dark Link (who couldn't swim), could drown in, meet with blood red, crimson, scarlet eyes.

"..." asked Link.

"..." bellowed Dark Link.

"..." admitted Link.

"..." sighed Dark Link.

"..." muttered Link.

"..." inquired Dark Link.

"..." affirmed Link.

"..." whispered Dark Link.

"..." confessed Link.

"..." agreed Dark Link.

And so, the love of Link and Dark Link was sealed.

Suddenly, as their lips graced each other, a terrible thing occurred. Jumping terrifyingly out the window, Shadow Link landed on the ground, surrounded by black magic.

"MWAHAHAHA! I 'AVE FIGURED OUT HOW WE GONNA KILL LINK!" Shadow Link exclaimed maniacally, "WE'LL KILL 'EM WITH, GET THIS, FIIIIYAAAAAH!"

The shadow used his magical powers to magically create a magical ball of fire. He blasted it in Link's direction. Unable to fathom the love of his life dying, Dark Link leapt in front of Link, the ball of fire surrounding him. He was burning alive - he needed to think quick!

Looking at the water filled moat, Dark Link went to action, running and leaping into the water. Almost instantly, the flames went out, and Dark Link was safe.

That was when he realised it, a terrible thought creeping up on him.

Dark Link fucked up.

He couldn't swim.

The clone of the hero gasped for air, trying his very hardest to survive, flailing his arms panically in the air, choking. Link watched his new lover in complete horror, while Shadow quickly decided to run away, pretending he didn't just cause the likely death of his new ally.

That was when a miracle happened, something amazing, something beautiful. Because Dark Link was just as beautiful as Link, all the fish fell in love with him, so they used all their force to bring the dark clone to the surface and he gasped for air. The male stumbled on to the other side of the moat, where he looked at Link, standing at the opposite side, cheering in glee. For once, his lover survived. For once, he could live the rest of his days with the one he loved.

A shark watched as the loved of its life floated a shore, a horrified expression on its face. It had only seen them once, but it knew it was true love. Knowing this was its last chance at love, the shark leapt ashore, grabbing the one it loved and eating them whole, meaning that forever they would stay with the shark.

Link's jaw dropped, seeing his latest lover get eaten. He then shrugged - there were many other... FISH IN THE SEA (geddit? Geddit?)!

* * *

 **Told you he wouldn't drown.**


End file.
